And just like that it hit me, Beth my little sister was dead she was gone,forever.
A thumb awakens me, I flutter my eyes open glancing at my clock. It's the middle of the night,but I'm all of a sudden wide awake and aware that's somethings happened in Beths room. I race into the room where Beth lays,her pallid arms spread out beside her, her gaze so froze on mine, her translucent lips parted a little. ''Beth'' I shake her, hoping this is some bad dream. ''Beth'' I repeat,yelling. Mom rushes beside me. Her lips formed into an 'o' shape as water fills her hazel eyes. We stand there, gobsmacked, quickly dialling for an ambulence searching for some hope, hoping this isn't the end of my little sister.
I produce a firm grip onto Beths frozen hand. Cowering my head into my palms, I try to look for some fate, but nothing. Nothing comes to mind except for the words the doctors about to say. She takes us out of the room a moment, eyes paused on me and my mom whose froze beside eachother, ''is she better?'' Mums eyes lighten up but with no expression. ''I'm so sorry.'' The doctor announces, causing rapid tears to land heavily into my mouth,with the taste of salt and warmth, but not the kind of warmth that leads you to happiness, the warmth that you get on christmas day when all of your family are together, sitting there with facinated laughs as each member of us tell intreiging stories, instead it's just warmth,the only warmth thats managed to enter my body at this very moment.
I spent the next week scribbling random doodles in my diaries from memories when I was younger,when it was me beth mom and dad. We appeared as such a happy family. When dad died our neighbours funnily enough gossiped about how we was still a stable family,how we managed to still stick together after mom lost her husband of 15 years,and I lost my dad which I knew for 10 years, it all changed of course when I was 10, then mom roamed around pubs, clubs to find a new love, coming in and out with a new man almost every day, drinking everynight, I always came down in the middle of the night to find her asleep on the couch bottles scattered on the table and cigarettes in her hand. Soon things started changing,we went back to being that happy family again but now just the three of us, until Beth got diagnosed with cancer of course. That was another life changing expirience, when the doctor said there's a 50 percent change that she was going to battle it, we found hope in that but instead she took the other 50, causing us all to fall apart again.
