Alone

I take a breath; steam floats out gracefully. I can hear the sound of the ocean waves gently lapping the shore and the smell of salty air fills my nose. In the distance the hostile clouds roll overhead and will change the mood completely.

I am alone with my thoughts. That is something I should never do. I look up at the stars and admire them from a distance. They are mesmerizing, aren't they.

In the background a sound of screams. A busy carnival on the pier. The lights are intriguing and give a variation colour to the black sky.

I can't be with those people. I can't have fun. I am different. I will be judged. The looks that slowly tear away at my esteem. Not that I had much anyway.

I stand up from the cliff edge and walk down to the beach below. My eyes darting around every other second.

I shouldn't be alone withy thoughts. I shouldn't be allowed. I have in uneasy feeling about this.

There is a crash of thunder from the horizon. I stop and stare for a second before turning back around again.

I want to be alone. Away from the people and crowds.
Emotions stir up inside me. My brain is screaming. I don't like this feeling. I don't want this. I run across the pebble beach. The rain starts pouring down. I don't care any more. The lustful taste for pain starts swelling inside.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to remember. That day. No. Those days. Every single one of them. Don't make me remember.

A sharp piercing feeling runs across my arm. A stream of crimson trickles down to my fingers and falls one drop at a time. It's almost like it had gone silent. All but the drops. Drip, drip, drip. Taunting me. "Do it more" "you need it" "you deserve it".