Pretending I'm a YouTuber

let's talk about myself (surprising)

What up hoes and lads.

Yeah, I have a feeling I'm gonna post this and never come back to it. Mostly because it doesn't blow up and I lack any sort of ability to reassure myself. Basically I do this thing where I set myself up for success and big surprise it doesn't happen within one week.

I lack any sort of patience.

So, I do this thing (I'm sure anyone who watches YouTube for 8+ hours a day also does this) where I pretend like I'm some famous YouTuber and like hundreds of thousands give a shit about my opinion.

So that's what I'm doing now!!! Yay....

Uhm, basically. Let's talk about me. I pretend as if I'm super humble and like I don't enjoy talking about myself, but really I do it every time I'm having an existential crisis in my bathroom at 2 a.m. Fun times. (It's a constant)

So basically, I asked some of my friends to give me talking points because otherwise I'll literally just ramble on about nothing until I'm like

"Oh yeah! That reminds me-"

Haha nevermind, one of my friends literally said "your interests". (The other suggested my hair oml they love me too much) It's gotta be something people care about. AKA, someone's flaws as a person

So let's talk about my aggression and how much I need to chill the fuck out.

Basically, (not to sound edgy or anything) but I think about hurting a shit load of individuals. And the funny thing is that this person could've done nothing, absolutely nothing, to me. They just glance at me the wrong way and I'm set off. I'm just really easily frustrated oml. I can't explain it.

Here's a short recap of my normal day:

Me: walking down the hall (nothing to conspicuous right?? HAhaHaha)
Random Individual: *stares at me in a certain way*
Me: "I will literally bash your face in how dare you"

And you know what? That's very presumptuous of me. Like, I probably have the resting face of Voldemort on steroids, which is probably why I get weird looks. As well as that, that's probably their resting face. Like, I've been told I'm very disconcerting.

Apparently, I look like I'm about to challenge everyone around me. Which isn't entirely untrue. Also my sister says her entire friend group thinks I hate them, or that I am angry

Nope!

Let me reiterate,

Voldemort on steroids.

Now, to give me the benefit of the doubt, sometimes people are complete dicks to me. And like I don't mean outright dicks. Like they don't straight up insult me but they're just..dicks. They just give that shit eating grin, and talk to me like I'm the toddler they're babysitting. And that always, ALWAYS makes me want to throw a brick in their face.

I end up giving them the silent treatment and just pretend as if they don't exist.

Okay, I'm gonna stop talking about my aggression. Most of my friends actually consider me a really kind hearted person, so I'm not an actual asshole.

I just live by that saying treat others the way you want to be treated. But I also mirror that, and if someone is a complete ass to me, chances are, I'm not gonna be all sweet and "oh honey, you need food? Don't worry I got you" towards that individual. You know, normal people things.

So I asked the only reliable source (my sister) for something annoying about me that I could talk about and validate.

"You could talk about how you correct everybody. Like you just want them to know that you're right and they're wrong."- An actual lovable dick 

Okay, but that's 50% true, because I'm that petty, but also 50% untrue because I'm just looking out for you homie.

So, here's my excuse as to why I correct your grammar or pronunciation when speaking. (also before you come at me about something grammatically incorrect in this I'M TRYING NOT TO BE A ROBOT)

    I think a lot about the future. Not just my own, but others as well. I don't want you talking to a future employer like you barely passed the second grade. So of course, I hit you up and I'm like, "Yo, homie, that's not how you form a proper sentence." I will admit that I do come off like a pretentious ass sometimes when I do it, but I really do mean the best for you.

And that's why that's 50% incorrect.

Now, I love love love to argue my point. I am such a petty individual that I have to get my point across to you in the most convincing way possible so that you feel like an absolute dumbass for ever thinking anything else. Some would call that childish. But I looked up what makes an individual childish once and that ain't it chief.

I'm just one petty ass, dramatic ass bitch.

Ah, half relevant segways :)

Strrreessss!

Like any normal individual above the age of 14, I'm one bundled up nervous system of catastrophic events that are entirely fictional. And what's so terrible about this is that I know I'm being irrational. Like I know it doesn't really matter, that I can't know if that's going to happen but somehow that logical, functioning side of my is smothered by

"Oh my god, but what if they hate you because you did this one thing. Just don't do anything. But oh God why am I not doing anything I have to do something oh my god don't just do it."

Like, how does that happen from deciding whether or not to cancel plans, or trying to start a conversation? I honestly don't understand it. Like, I hate risks because I can't handle that small possibility that something bad could happen. That this could go the wrong way.

I'd rather just seclude myself from life than partake in it's mind fuck. So what do I do?

Lay in bed and forget my problems like any normal average person does until last minute.

Procrastination :D

1015 words :)