you didn't come that winter,
you arrived in autumn instead.
i don't know what it was about the dark mornings
and the orange leaves
but i always did prefer autumn to winter.
it was something about how the burnt shade of orange the leaves would turn
that reminded me of you.
you arrived the day after your 13th birthday,
remember?
you were so happy that the first thing you did when your car pulled up in the drive
was run up to that bay window,
where i spent so much of my time,
and placed your hands on it, smiling that toothy grin i had missed oh so much.
i had ran to grab my bike but my mother had told me to leave it.
it was covered in rust.
i hadn't used it since that time we went to the park
that one wonderful winter.
you were wearing the scarf we had used to put on the snowman we made that year.
something about seeing you wearing it made me smile.
i had forgotten why i had fallen out with you-
though i guess the reason i did have didn't seem very mature
to my then 11 year old brain.
you dragged me around that deserted street
and i remember falling over,
tripping over the curb where we had first met and into a pile of leaves.
you took a bandaid out of your black backpack and placed it onto my knee.
you ruffled my hair and when i asked why you did that,
you used the same excuse you used that day:
'there was snow in your hair'.
it was autumn and there was no snow
but i didn't stop to figure out the complications in your excuse.
you held out your hand so you could help me up,
and when i stood up i couldn't bring myself to let go of it.
but neither could you.
we walked back down that wide road,
that seemingly got narrower the older we got,
to the front of our houses which were right next to eachother.
your father watched us from the window
and beckoned you to leave me.
i asked why he was angry,
but you said there was nothing to worry about
and ran back inside, giving my hand one last squeeze before you did so.
i wish i had noticed the bruises on your legs,
but my childish mind had guessed it was from
climbing trees, and riding your bike.
but you had gotten rid of your bike all of those winters ago,
and you were afraid of heights.
i wish you'd have stayed for the winter.
