Tik tok boys 💜

Broken feelings

Chase huddson x reader
⚠️contains mentions of suicidal thoughts , depression, anxiety ,suicide and self harm ⚠️

Y/n POV
I sat on my bed combing my fingers through my sleeping boyfriends hair as I thought about everything . Just life on its own .
I looked down at chase as a single tear slipped from my eyes what I quickly wiped away , I didn't deserve him he could do so much better I was useless no matter how many times he told me I was beautiful I never felt like it .
I sighed quietly as I pulled the sleeve of chases hoody I was wearing up my arm I run my fingers over the large amount of small cuts along my wrists .
No one knew not even chase or my best friends , it started a few months back when my anxiety was really high and my father started abusing me at home physically and mentally it went from him saying I was a mistake to a black eye or a sprained wrist . I started staying with chase and his friends who I consider my family I sleep in chases room and everyone else was scattered down the hall in there bedrooms.
I lied down trying not to move chase to much causing him to stir slightly and lay his head on my chest and wrap his arms around my waist .
Slowly but surely I fell asleep

Next morning y/n POV
I woke up to a empty bed rubbing my eyes I got up to check the time on my phone 10:19am I stretched and got out of bed going to brush my teeth and wash my face in the bathroom in chases room I changed into one of his hoodies a pair of my ripped jeans and one of his black bandanas just where my hairline started . I went to the mirror to check how I looked and noticed my wash bag in the corner of my eyes
⚠️self harm⚠️
I picked it up needing a sense of relief as I rummaged through it to find my small blade I picked it up and rolled up my sleeve , it hit my skin and I sighed the bad thoughts slowly sliding away . I cut a few more lines and wiped up the small amount of blood and put a plaster on it .
I was walking down the stairs when I heard voices and my name being mentioned
(Av: Avani C: chase A: Anthony G:Griffin N:neon j:Jaden )
Av: guys I don't know y/n has just been acting so strange the past few months I'm really worried about her mental health
A: I know she's just stopped being so joyful she seems so upset even though she shakes it of
C:I just don't understand if something was wrong she would tell us right I mean I hope she would tell me if something was wrong

A sudden punch of guilt flew to my stomach oh no does I think I don't trust him what if he leaves me for someone better . No no I'm just overthinking right?
N: what if something happened and she's to scared to tell us ?
G: she could still be upset about her dad maybe ?
Av: guys I um need to say something really important and I know I should've told everyone before especially you chase

Hey heart rate increased rapidly my anxiety getting the better of me

C: what is it ? What happened tell us
Av: a few weeks ago when y/n come round to my house I saw a mark on her wrist so I grabbed it pulling her sleeve up and her wrist was full of cuts but she quickly pulled the sleeve back down and acted like nothing happened

I was now stood at the bottom of the stairs out of sight but I could see them and my heart ached at the sight of chases face when he heard then words leave Avanis mouth

C: w-what? No she wouldn't do that r-right guys ?
He stammered as his eyes glossed over

The floor beneath me creaked and all eyes then towards me as I stepped out of where I was so they could see me better tears treated down my face as everyone stayed quiet I looked at the table next to me to see one of my blades on the table and my antidepressant pills on the table probably what caused this whole discussion

C: y/n is it t-true ?
Chase whispered quietly
My heart ached even more and without thinking I took a step forward to the table across from me grabbed the blade and the bottle of pills and jolted upstairs I heard loud footsteps come from behind me but I made it to the bathroom and locked the door holding onto the sink as I tried to slow down my breathing
A loud bang came from the door
C:y/n open the door
A: come on we can talk please y/n open e door
I stayed quite and popped open The pills and took a few out without counting and swallowed them I heard Avani cry from the sound of the pills popping open I rummaged through the cupboards looking for the rope we kept in here incase the shower curtain broke so we could tie it back on
The banging on the door got louder as chase Anthony and griffin banged on the door telling me to open it I found the rope and picked up the stool standing on it to tie it to the light hanging from the ceiling , I come of the still and sat with my back to the door the banging g had stopped when I began to speak
Y/n : I'm sorry , I'm not worth anything , I'm sorry I'm not the best and I'm sorry I'm so fucked up in the head. I'm worthless I don't deserve any of u at all , I hate myself so dam much and I just can't take any of this anymore it needs to end . Life . My life needs to end
I whispered the last part as I heard Avani hysterically starting to cry and people trying to bump into the door to open it
C: wait baby stop and listen ok we all love u ok ur worth so much more then what u see u are the love of my life and I don't know what I would do without u please open the door for me
Chase cried as I stood on the stool the banging got louder and louder
C: wait !
Y/n what ? I wimpered
C: can you sing for me please
Y/n : why would u want me to sing
C: I love hearing u sing it's music to my ears

I wrapped the rope around my neck as I began to sing quietly

Chases POV
I was scared I was so fucking scared I was trying to stall her while the boys went to get stuff to open the door this couldn't be happening the love of my life stood only a few feet away from me saying she was going to take her life I just couldn't have it that way and I needed to get her out no

Y/n POV
One of my favourite songs come to mind and I imedently began singing the chorus

Maybe won't u take it back
Say you where trying to make me laugh and nothing has to change today you didn't mean to say
I love you
My voice cracked as I sang as the emotion dropped out of my mouth at the end of me singing the chorus I said the one thing I've alway feared

I love you chase

I kicked the chair from underneath me just as the door bust open and the boys flooded in chase at the front as my eyes closed

Chases POV
I immediately went for her legs lifting her up so the rope tightly rapped round her neck would loosen Anthony pulled the rope from the ceiling as I carried y/n into my room as I was crying I was giving cpr breathing in her mouth hoping for a response
The rope was taken of her neck as I started doing chest pumps I silently prayed she would be on that her eyes would open or she would speek to me
I hear a small cough come from beneath me as y/n's eyes slowly opened I pulled her into my crying as I felt small fragile hands cup my face and I heard a small whisper of sorry come form her mouth

I was beyond relieved after a few days she has calmed down a lot and we had spoke and she told us what she was feeling I was so upset about it still every night I made sure she was ok every time I saw a flashing sadness in her eyes I was there and I'm so thankful that I have y/n in my life

Y/n POV
I should've told them before it would've been so much easier the guilt I felt when I woke up from the look on chases face made me cry I never ment to upset anyone but now everything is doing ok I've spoke to everyone and we are gonna sort everything out and everything is going to be ok :)

I'm sorry it's soooo bad I tried please tell me if u guys like it :P
Send requests To just read the description:)
1602 words :)