Addicted To You (TO BE PUBLISHED)

62

I'm not sure if I heard right, so I stepped closer to him. "You what?" Even though my hearing has been plugged at this point, and my vision blurred from watering, I still want to make sure he got his sentence messed up and meant, I don't have a son.

A part of me knew there no was reason to hope such a thing. It was clear what he said, but I just can't, or won't believe it.

"I have a one and half-year-old son with Violet." He confirms once again, and the tears I held back stripped down my face. "Thanksgiving night after I dropped you off, I went there to try and see him and see if he could actually be mine. He wasn't even there. That was the day it hit me hard that I can actually fucking lose you over this, so I acted on it. The worst way possible. Instead of coming to you or maybe someone like my former therapist, I fucked up."

The tightening in my chest and throat stops me from saying anything further. I watch Chase stareing at me, waiting for a viable response. Yet, what am I supposed to say to something so sudden and strange? Why did it have to be someone Im just starting to fall In love with?

Within my silence he continues to speak, "I had one too many drinks and fucking lost it." He breaks eye contact, his head falls as he eyes the floor. "I may not show it all the time, Amelia, but I care for you. Hell, I love you."

The heavy stream won't stop. I'm hurt, beyond hurt. Not only because he cheated but because he's been hiding the fact that he may be a father. For the past months, I've put myself last, not realizing all the lies that came out of his mouth.

I swallow a pasty saliva in my mouth from holding back a damn of weeping. 

Why am I even surprised?

"You can't even look at me when you say you love me?" I mumble. I'm not sure if I should comfort him or leave. He must be going through a lot, I'm sure, but I can't be the one to comfort him, not when so much has been cut open. And hella deep as well.

I have to do what's best for me; I try to remind myself.

"I'm tired of all this Chase. The drama, the constant fighting. I want something normal, a normal life, with a job and school. Why is that so hard to get?" I'm hopeless at this point. I cross my arms over my chest in a defense stand. At this point I have to defend my guard and my heart. "You don't hurt the people you love. Not like this. I don't want to see you anymore." He picks up his head with such sorrowful stained eyes. I can only imagine how bloodshot my eyes are. "I'm sorry about what you're going through. I really am. I just can't do this, Chase. I've been through too much to deal with your issues. You need to get your shit together."

Telling him the truth is the best option. I can't be here to hold his hand and say everything is ok. When in fact, it's not. No matter how much I want to protect him from this hurt he's feeling. He brought this onto himself.

I only know I'm going to miss the hell out of him, the moment I leave here. I wipe my tears and turn my cheek to the door, one step is all it takes to exempt myself for him. This one step is fucking hard. I know I love him, but it wouldn't be right to forgive him for this.

Maybe we just need to let these wounds heal and see where it takes us.

I walk towards the door, with a part of me wishing to stay.

"Amelia." Chase calls out for me as I touch the door to close it behind me.

It wasn't enough. The massive part of me that wanted him to run up to me and kiss me fucking hard and tell me how much he loves me, was left in that room with him. He had my love from the moment I took a risk on him.

I left the Miller's house and went home to my own space. An empty space at that.

Two weeks have gone by, and I'm still distraught. To get me out of the gutter, and stop thinking of Chase, I've buried my head into the books to study for final's. To not sulk in my own misery,  I've been focusing on decorating my apartment the way I visioned to. However, I'll have to make some changes to my vision with it being smaller than what I'm used to.