Innocent killer

Intro

"Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust". The man said as we watched the body being lowered 6 feet into the ground. The rest of what he said was a blur but it was fine. I'd heard it many times before.
"We now say our final goodbyes to Margret Holland. Please allow family members to go first." He continued once I zoned back in.

This was my 8th funeral in the past 16 years of my life and although that may not seem like many, I knew there'd be more to come.
It was my grandma this time. Old, fragile woman she was. Always had tea on the table for when I got home from school. Always made me feel loved and wanted which is more than I can say for my dad.

When I was born the doctors said they gave my mum a few weeks to live however, like the strong woman she was, she lasted 2 years in the hospital before passing. My dad always blamed me (still does) so by the age of 9 he told me to leave the house because he couldn't look at me with out seeing her. That's when I moved in with my grandad and grandma.

My grandad was a sports man and I used to watch sports with him sometimes which gave us something to bond over. We'd go to games together and just have fun. Anything to get him out of the house. Then one day- when I was 10, he went out alone, to collect me from school, and a car came speeding down the road as he was crossing. He never made it to my school.

2 years later a family friend passed away. She'd been giving me help with grief and we'd gotten quite close but she got diagnosed with a brain tumour and eventually passed. My Aunty Lina came to check on me and my grandma every day. We'd play games and do other fun activities. She'd pick me up from school and take me to get a present for grandma (usually flowers) once a week. Until she was involved in a car crash. I was in the car with her but some how managed to survive.

A few years, and funerals, later and here we are. Saying good bye to my grandma. The only person I actually had left. She was getting sick and I knew she wouldn't make it but something inside of me told me not to give up on her. Now I'm starting to wonder that maybe I should have. Maybe if I'd have distanced my self from her she would have survived.

I'm almost 17 years old and I have no one in my life. I don't do friendships and a most certainly don't do relationships. I have my dad but I doubt he's forgiven me for killing my mum. I have no one. 16 years old and I'm all alone. 16 years old with only 1 family member left. 16 years old and no friends. So I have a question for you ...

Do you ever feel like you're the reason for bad things happening? Well I do. In fact I don't just feel like it... I KNOW I'm the reason.
Hi. I'm Tori. And I'm an innocent killer.
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