You Are My Sunshine (BxB)

18: This Is Me

You're ripped at every edge
But you're a masterpiece,
Now you're tearing
at the pages and the ink....

🌻🌻🌻

         When my Mom died, I didn't want to live any more. So once I tried stabbing myself the way they stabbed mom.

         Jess, my nanny entered my room. She sat down besides me, "You can't take your life Jullian. You are stronger than this. What would people think about you, your dad."
But I didn't listen to her. When it was Mom's first death anniversary, I went to the spot where she qas killed and tried taking my life. My dad with the police's help found me. The paparazzi got to know this. Everyone started questioning Dad-
"Where were you when your son was slipping into depression?" Everyone thought that he was a selfish, rich man who didn't care about his family whereas he was trying his best to comfort me. His reputation was damaged all because of me.

         In fourth grade, I used to walk through the corridors of my school holding Natasha's hands. Being the clumsy nerd she was, she would trip over her feet a few times so I had to hold her body close to mine. She was the sweetest girl in the whole school.
But this time when she fell, I couldn't save her. I realized she didn't fell, some girl named Ashley pushed her. So I stood up for Natasha and pushed the Ashley back.
Ashley scoffed, "Why are you hanging out with that nerd? Your dad is famous. You should be famous too. Your dad would be so dissapointed. Come hang out with the famous group." She said flipping her hair.
I didn't want to upset dad, so I agreed with her.

         I had stopped believing in love. In highschool, I would hang out with the famous group, I would mess with girls, go to parties and I cared about no one's emotions— well, except dad's.

          But when I first saw Nikko, I had this tingling and burning sensation in my chest— like the fire in my heart that died years ago was revived. I knew I was in love.

          I just couldn't stop thinking about Matthew's words—
"You are going to dissapoint everyone."
"No one wants a gay boxer."
"If not yourself then atleast think about your father."

          It had been two weeks since that incident. And it kept me awake all night.
Nikko came by regularly, even though, now I didn't take him to the academy with me. But he would come to spend time with me. He would dress my wounds and ice my bruised knuckles. Sometimes we studied or watched movies or just made out. The last one was my favourite ;)

         I had been selected for the WBC which was going to be held next week. But with all the thoughts running wild in my brain it was hard to concentrate.

          Coach never really yelled at me but he did, today, "Get your shit together Jullian. Go home. Tomorrow when you come, I want the vibe back."

          I had to do something. Who could I trust with my emotions?
So I made my way to dad's room.

         Dad had a wortied look on his face when he saw me. He made me sit on his bed and cradled me in his arms as I poured my heart out.

"You are not an abomination and I am not a bit dissapointed in you. Infact I'm proud of you Jullian. Nikko is a gentleman and I'm happy he has your heart. However you want to know what would really dissapoint me?" He started speaking before I could nod. "I would be so dissapointed if you left your love just because you were afraid of people's opinions. I would be so sad if you hid your true self and wore a façade just for other people."

"Thank you dad. I love you." I said hugging him tighter.

"Love you too dear."

"Just don't think about all the bad things of the past. Live in the present. Live by your rules. You have a beautiful future waiting for you." Dad said as I got up to leave.

"Did you steal that line from one of your movie dialogues?" I teased him.

He gasped dramatically.
"Yes! Don't tell me you haven't seen that movie Jullian. I played a gay character in the movie."
As he realized that I really hadn't seen the movie, he huffed, "We are seeing the movie now. Stay here. I'll go bring popcorn."

I have the best dad in the world (No offense).

As I sat there think about tomorrow, my fingers unconsiously typed a familiar number I seemed to remember well even after years. I was surprised to see that the number was still saved in my phone under the name 'Shasha'.

I took a deep breadth and pressed 'call'.

"Hi Natasha Briggs speaking."

"Hey" I managed to whisper.

"Hello?"

My voice was stuck in my throat. So I cleared my throat to indicate that I was still there on the other side of the phone.

After a moment of silence, I heard Natasha sign.

"I know it's you Jullian. I have your number saved."

I couldn't bring myself to say anything so I said the lamest thing that came to my mind.
"Long time huh?"

"Is there anything you need?"

I gulped.
"Not really. I just wanted to talk with you."

"Same. That's why I had your number saved. I waited every fucking day waiting for your text or call. After you left me, I was a mess. I would run to answer the door everytime someone rang the bell hoping it was you. I slept with the phone under my pillow so that even if you call me im the middle of the night, I could pick up. And you called me now. After six years. After I lost hope and stopped waiting for you."

"I'm sorry, Shasha."

"Don't call me Shasha. That was something my bestfriend used to call me."

"Shasha please." I begged.

Now she was crying. I felt tears prick my eyes and I didn't stop them from flowing.

"Why did you call Jules?" She said. Her voice was firm but soft.

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm sorry I hurt you Shasha......"

And just like that I gave her a big apology and told her everything that has been happening in my life.

"I'm afraid I can't be a gay boxer." I concluded.

"You can be whatever you want."

"But what if—"

"It doesn't matter what people have to say. Haters are going to hate. But don't let them rule your life. If Nikko makes you happy, then be with him."
"You can be gay or straight and still be a good boxer. The way you perform inside the ring is what matters to your fans. As long as you win them medals, they don't care who you make out with. Don't let people stereotype you Jules. Be who you are."
"It's difficult to find true love and now that you've found someone who loves you as much as you love him; please don't let go."

We spent an hour talking about random things until Shasha fell asleep. I looked at the clock and realized it was almost two.
I noticed that Dad hadn't returned yet.
Did that man go to make popcorn or grow corn.

I went to the living room and saw him stretched out on the couch with more than ten bowls of popcorn watching a sappy gay romance movie.

He noticed my presence.
"Oh Jules! Perfect timing. This movie is just about to end. We can watch my movie now."

"Dad, you realize that just because I came out to you does not mean that you make everything as gay as possible."

Dad frowned.
"Why? I already ordered rainbow cupcakes for tomorrow."

"Dadddd"

"And texted Nikko, Zara and Connor to come home by 6pm tomorrow. We are decorating the house with rainbow balloons and confetti."
He gleamed like a five year old.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I hope my parents support me like that when I come put to them.
I mean they already kind of know by now.

Don't forget to vote and comment for JULLICO❤️