Athena

Nightmare

   I'm sure Ally didnt know this but before we left, before actually escaping my father had noticed that every sunday Ally would leave the house to go grocery shopping and she would leave me, apparently our uncle at least thought about leaving money for necessities and Ally would stretch them as much as she could.

   So every Saturday night he would come home late and after Ally left sunday he would come out of the room, the first couple of times that he did he would just look for me as if trying to find where I would hide, if i ever had to, unfortunately I would always hide in the same place, in the only place Ally told me I would be safe. In the closet. And when he did find me the first couple of times he would smile at me but it wasn't a nice smile, it wasn't one filled with love. It was a taunting one, it used to make my skin crawl and my stomach twist, he would stare at me for a while and then he would close the door again leaving me with the image of that sick smile in my head. I wouldn't come out until I knew Ally was home.

    A month after just smiling at me he would come into the closet and just stand there. At some point I began to think I was imagining him, that he might not have been there. But he always had something hidden behind his back wich wouldn't allow me to look away. His sick smile always present, his eyes empty and his thin form blocking my only exit so all I could do was stare at him he would stand there for an hour sometime a little less sometimes a little more. But almost always a full hour. My body would shake, my breathing was uneven and my eyes focused on him. I dont think I ever really cried with him there. After he got tired of just staring he would step back with out turning, his hand still behind his back not letting me see what he was hidding and then he would close the door making sure to look at me straight in the eyes until the door was completely closed.

    Then the last month we were there he decided it was time to show me what he had. It was a blade, small enough to fit perfect in his hand, it was red and gold, if I wasn't at the moment scared i would have reached out and admired the object, it looked delicate, it called out to me, it was beautiful. That day I was wearing short and he locked down at my legs giving me that creepy smile that had keped me up at night for the past 2 months he carefully kneeled by my side and pulled my leg out infront of him, I didnt fight him or scream my body just gave into his command and I just stared at him. He brought the blade to my inner thigh and swiftly but efficiently dragged it across outwards leaving me bleeding. I shocked on a sob finally crying infront of him and his smile only grew. After he left I did what I could to stop the bleeding and then changed into long jeans decided that was gonna be my attire for the rest of my life. But that didnt stop him for the next 3 weeks he did the exact same thing only that time I would scream, I would kick, i would fight, but he enjoyed it more, he never said anything, he never stayed to watch me bleed he'd just cut and walk out. Leaving me crying. I didnt tell Ally because she was already going through so much because of me that I didnt want to give her more burdens to carry for me.  The day Ally decided she had had enough and that we were old enough to go she asked me to pack a bag and wait for her outside my window while she did something. But before heading outside I went in my dad's room in searched for the blade. His room was a mess, it was smelly, beer bottles everywhere and he was laying passed out in bed, there were feminine items here and there all sitting on there rightful place a little dust coating theme, and I assume they belong to the women who was meant to be my mother. The blade was easy to find he had it on the nightstand, not even trying to hide it as if he had no worries in the world, I make my way to it, I thought it could be so easy to grab it and just slit his throat the way he did my thighs or just plunge it in his chest. But I didnt have time for that Ally asked me to wait outside and she would be out soon.

  I made my way out the room and out the window of my room. I sat under a tree and waited it took her a while in wich I told myself again and again that I could have gone back inside and done what I so desperately wanted to do, but then I would think that if Ally came out and I wasnt there she would go looking for me and find me over his dead body. And then she would leave with out me. I know I wasnt gonna be able to make it without her so I just sat there schooling myself for not going back in. While sitting under the tree a car arrived and out came our Uncle and his friend. After a couple of minutes inside Ally came out the window and lit a match throwing it in through the window. She stood there for about 10 minutes watching the fire grow and then turned toward me. She usherd me up and on to the sidewalk leading the way toward our new life. I knew what she had done. She knew what she had done but we never mentioned it, we keped walking away while the fire grew, I didnt question her. I didnt judge her, I just followed because that's what I did follow Ally everywhere she went and did anything she said, it was the least I could do to make her life a little bit easier. And she led the way, she took care of me and she made sure we had what we needed. Not caring what she had to do. I always admired that about her she said I was a fighter but in all honesty she was. She was the warrior, she was the one to keep her head up and continue fighting against anyone who got in our way even if behind closed doors she would fall apart, she was my hero. Just when things started to get bad for me too, she got us out of there unknowingly saving my life.

    That was Ally, always doing what was best for me even if she didnt know she was doing it. I couldn't have asked for a better sister. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. But she always said that our mother was better, I find that hard to belive, because our mother as far as I know didnt have to go through what Ally did while raising a child. Our mother didnt have to suffer what Ally did and then smile 5 minutes later while playing with what little toys we had with me. Ally allowed me to call her mom till I was 5 then she started to correct me telling me to call her Ally said it was what Jamie called her. It took me a while to get used to it but for me she will for ever be my mother. She covered all senses of the word, she was the reason the word was created. Woman like her deserve to be called mom, and a crown to be placed on there heads because even in our worst she would always prioritize me and made sure I was as happy as could me. She might not have brought me into the world but she protected me from it. She showed me the good things about it and she tried to raise me to be better than she was.

  I sometimes close my eyes and see that smile, or dream about those last couple of sundays in that closet with that man. But I promised to never tell Ally about it and till this day I haven't and I dont plan on braking my word on it. Not any time soon anyways.

   So I'm going to deal with these nightmares and bad habits on my own no need to keep bringing people into my messed up world to pick at my messed up brain. I can and will do this alone.

    I've read all about change and yes one of the steps Is to surround yourself with people who are alike to what you want to become. But the only people I have is Ally, I mean I have Ruben but he has his life and I'm not about to disrupt it aswell so I guess it's up to me to figure it out. I've been laying awake on my bed for hours now. After having that nightmare or memorie invade my sleep it usually gets harder to fall back I notice my phone was blinking a while back but I haven't brought myself to pick it up and check who was trying to contact me, I've been home for a week and neither Vegas or Jamie has called me well that was till last night I look at my phone and theres two messages from Vegas.

'Hey again, please come back or call me I want to explain, I need to explain Athena, I swear I wasnt planing on getting rid of you so please.'

    Yeah ok, I'm not falling for this. No matter what he says I'm not falling for what ever it is his trying to do.

'You know I didnt read your file. I told you once that I told Jamie not to hack your things and if he did to not tell me what he finds, I did the same with the files, I dont know what was in them. Anyways, my little sister used to call me Ken growing up, she made me be the guy when ever she asked me to play barbie. (Again stays between us)
My favorite christmas movie is, and dont judge me, The polar Express, but any other day I would say A walk to remember, but only to you, I'm not really into music, I'll listen to anything, I have a habit of waking up in the middle of the night to make sure all the doors and windows are locked, dont really know where it came from.'

   I hate that his doing this, I dont want to get to know him I dont want him telling me all these things, I just wish he would stop. I want to move on from all this, from them, from him, I should have listened to my gut the second I laid eyes on them, on him, but that day at the hospital he was so sweet and every time after that, until I went to see baby Kay-Kay. He made a complete U turn and forgot to notify me of the changes that were happening.

  Now I have no idea what happend or why, but that's beside the point now i know they are not to be trusted and no matter what he says i will stick to my decision. Keep away from them, keep away from him. No matter how much it hurts me, no matter how much my body, mind and soul cry out to him I will keep away because I dont want Ally going through any more pain. She deserves happiness and I would want it to come from me at some point in her life.