Alice

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There are many words that I could use to describe myself.

Solemn, delicate, coherent, condescending, conceited.

Others pity me, feel sympathetic for my insignificant life. Having been starved for affection, as some would say. Spoiled and timid, as others would say. It doesn't matter to me, either way they are both manifestations of human selfishness, as I like to call it.

Humans are such selfish creatures, wouldn't you say? They desperately protect the things close to them, even going out of their way to secure their own happiness. There is nothing beautiful about this twisted world that we live in, where the strong consume the weak.

Now don't get me wrong, I have done my fair share of things you would consider "disgusting". I hide behind my masks of joy, grief, disgust. But you have to understand that here in this twisted world, you have to lie and cheat to survive.

Before I met him, I had nothing. Little more than a sewer rat lurking in the darkest corners of London, I was considered lower than trash. He taught me to laugh and sing when I was happy, steal when I was hungry. He brought meaning back into my life. He was so free, I wanted to be like him. Now that I think about it, he had given me something that I thought I'd lost forever; my will to live. And then he was gone, in an instant. I wanted to see him, to have that feeling so long forgotten that I was starved for it, craved it. I desperately clung on to the last threads of his memory, trying to preserve it. That was when I knew I wanted to see him again, no matter what it took.

So, I put on my mask and faced society as one of its members. Surprisingly enough, they accepted me with wide arms, and I was engulfed into the world of light. It was a place unknown to me, and many times I felt lost. I did whatever I had to, to fit in, climb the hierarchy ladder. Many times I lost sight of what I was fighting for, but I had nowhere to go now. My only choice was to continue. There were many nights where I felt like I was being engulfed by the madness and confusion, and I hated you for that. I hated you and blamed you for what I was becoming.

I began to become good at observing people's faces. Each person periodically had a different preference, so I changed for them. For each person I wore a different mask, and my persistence was awarded. I was popular among society, and had a prestigious status. I had loving friends, whom I had cared for and adored.

But now, I can not tell if these are my true feelings, or if it is a mask I am wearing. I have long been lying to society, initially myself, that I had forgotten who I was.

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⏰ Last updated: Nov 28, 2014 ⏰

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