A Second too Late

"Forgive me, sasuke"

And a poke in the forehead.

It was the last thing he remembered, even after the days passed. It was the sole memory that kept his mind working. He was confined in the little cave Madara (obito) brought him to.

He never really stopped crying, screaming, denying everything he heard.

"It's fucked up" he told himself. Again and again, like a mantra or a jutsu that may turn everything to a scary nightmare.

He kept weeping and weeping, he can't even look at his hands, the hands that took his brother's life, the hands that desperately wanted to kill him. This was the worst state he had ever been. Back then, realizing his brother killed the whole clan got him enraged and mad, but now what? Confused and hurt.

He tried to calm down, he knew he can't stay in this cave forever, he needs to figure out what to do. And suddenly flashbacks started rushing to him.

How gentle his brother smiles at him,

How careful he handles him,

The sweet words he'll say to brighten up his day,

The endless kindness and devotion the man poured to him.

Almost as if he's trying to convey something else.

At the realization, he tried to shove it off. He doesn't want to think about it now of all times, or ever. It's not helping anything or anyone for that matter, he'll try to repress it just like he did long ago.

Long ago?

He thought.

Did he had these thoughts long before this accident? Did he try to see beyond all the kindness his brother showed him.

He smiled, laughed and started crying altogether. Is that even possible? he thought.

Yes, he remembered very well. The gentle caress of his brother and the smiles he gave him. The things he miss the most and the moments that puzzled him. The way he wakes up at night suddenly beside his brother's arms. The long stares and examining look, he felt uncomfortable but that's his beloved brother, what could be wrong?

A past overheard conversation suddenly struck him,

"Where's itachi-san? Is he not joining us today?"

"No, he might be taking care of his little brother"

"You know sometimes I think those brothers are too close for comfort"

"Itachi-san should regulate it soon, if they grow up like that it'll be weird"

"Disgusting"

The last word kept echoing in his head. What's so significant in that conversation it need to pop up in this time of all times. Why now? Why can't he remove the scrabble up feelings starting to resurface. The childhood memories he tried to supress, things he tried to forget. He's not one to complicate stuff so he tends to not over think things. He told his young self, there's no point of understanding things now, that's for the grown up version of him to do, what's important is that his with his brother, his beloved brother.

Brother.

He just realized that his brother who he detested the most the past few years ended up to be a hero who sacrificed his own family for the sake of the majority, for peace, for the village and yet he can't quite grasp what his feeling. The things he started to remember didn't help, and even tormented him all the more.

"Sasuke, do you hate me?"

"No, nii-san, why would i?"

He held him closer to him

"Do you hate me now?"

"No, nii-san why do you. . ."

He felt soft thumb caressing his lips

"Nii?"

His brother realizing what he just did snapped and left hurriedly. Little sasuke felt confused but the sasuke now knew, knew why his brother left hurriedly and why his brother was trying so hard holding back.

Why he suddenly he became distant yet close, too close then distant again, as if with a pull of a trigger, there's something he might do that he'll regret. And sasuke knew what it was.

He knew now, and fuck did he hate it. Tears start rolling his cheeks once again.

He knew the name of the scrabbled up feelings in his chest, the uncomfortable feeling he had that he was trying to supress, the feelings that was betrayed and destroyed the moment he found out his brother killed his own clan.

He smiled again, he stared long and hard at his hands, the hands that tried to kill his brother, the hands that didn't stop his brother's thumb in caressing his lips, the arms that longed for his brother's hugs and the fingers who longed to trace the outline of his beloved brother.

"Love"

His laughing hysterically now.

"Brother"

If someone found out, "disgrace" would just be an understatement of what it is.

"Disgusting"

He lets out a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

A sound of a kunai that fell.

Suddenly a masked man materializes from thin air.

"Oi!" He shooked the man in front of him, no response but cold and gushing blood.

He was a second too late.