Michael stared at the ceiling. His eyes burned like hellfire, but he was too tired to close them. He rolled onto his side, pulling his bed sheets over his head. It was two in the morning on a weekday, he had to get ready for school in just a few hours, but he didn't want to. Michael didn't want to get up. He didn't want to go to school. How was he expected to do such a thing when everything hurt so so badly?
This had been a regular occurrence for him. Staying up at the late hours of the night, just staring out in silence. Michael wanted change. He needed change. He couldn't exist like this anymore, it was all too much for him to bear. He tried to think of when it all started, when everything fell apart.
"Right," he mumbled to no one in particular, "December eighth."
He closed his eyes tight and tried to remember that day. The day that was so perfect, yet the start of something miserable.
It was likely four in the morning when it happened, Michael was in the midst of his 24 hour live stream. The chat was pretty much dead other than Mason (the chaotic mess), Mack (the furry constantly thirsting over Jack), and Alex (everyone's least favorite homosexual insomniac). If Michael were anyone else, he'd end the stream by then. It was coming to a dwindle. Barely anyone was talking. Justin just wanted to sleep and his temper was getting shorter by the hour, Jack was snort cocaine off of Tuckers lap, Mason and Mack were objectifying Jack, and Alex was just there randomly piping in to overshare or make a gay joke.
But Michael didn't stop streaming. He couldn't. He had an obligation to himself, his viewers, and his friends to do a 24 hour live stream.
At least, these were the reasons he claimed he would keep streaming for.
But there was an underlying reason, and he knew it well. He shut his eyes tight, trying not to tear up.
Tucker.
Tucker was the real reason he continued to bother. The reason he wanted to continue the live stream. As long as Michael kept streaming, he knew Tucker would be there.
Things with Tucker had been complicated as of later. Michael claimed he liked [REDACTED], but the truth was he never really fancied girls. For a long time, Michael thought he just didn't like people that way. That he never would.
But then he met Tucker.
The adorable idiot who was so love-able and hate-able at the same time. The way his freckles sprinkled just perfectly across his face, or the way his curly brown locks fell into his dark eyes. Michael knew, in that moment, no one else could ever compare. No girl, no boy, no one would ever mean as much to Michael as Tucker did.
Michael tried to envision the moment in his eyes. It wasn't hard. The few minute exchange had been replaying in his head over and over and over since it had passed.
~
Michael stared at the camper wall, zoning out. It was late. Really late. But he had to keep the stream alive. Suddenly, he was hit with a boost of motivation. And idiocy.
He sat up and turned to his friends. Tucker and Justin were talking about some dumb anime with Mack(JoJo Siwa's Radical Ride).
Jack disappeared from existence cause he is not important for this scene.
Michael got up and grabbed Tucker by the wrist, dragging him down the hall and into the bathroom without saying a word. He couldn't help but smile as he heard Justin stammer out, "I- well- um- well uh- Tucker- Tu- Tucker is- okay bye," as Michael dragged him away. He shut door behind them and looked at Tucker.
Tucker was really confused, asking, "uh, you okay, dude?"
Michael shook his head no. The two awkwardly stared at each other for awhile as Tucker waited for Michael to expand on the issue, but Michael no longer felt confident enough for this confession.
"Okay, well, I'm going back out there then," Tucker chuckled as he reached for the door.
Michael grabbed his hand to stop him, and looked at him. They were close, very close. The space between them burned. So, Michael did the only thing he found reasonable.
He closed the gap.
Before either of them really knew what Michael was doing, Michael's pathetically dry lips were on Tucker's. If he wasn't mistaken, he could have sworn Tucker was kissing him back. The moment only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like millennia.
Tucker took a step back in shock. "Ha ha, no homo, right?" he asked for confirmation.
Michael shook his head, "full homo".
That was all Tucker needed to lose his smile. "I have to leave," he mumbled. He fled before Michael could say another word. Fled the bathroom. Fled the hall. Fled the camper. Fled Michael, leaving him stranded and alone.
~
Since that day, things had been different. Tucker was distant. At school, he avoided him. Any classes they had together, he moved from his normal seat next to him to the other side of the room. Justin and Jack had been strange too. Justin was jealous Michael had now kissed another boy, and Jack didn't want to be next.
Michael was alone. Completely and utterly alone.
He gripped his phone tight in his chest, missing the late conversations he'd have with Tucker, missing the fun calls they once had, missing the time they spent together. The tears now coming down mercilessly. He pulled the covers over his mouth in an attempt to muffle his cries. Last time he woke his mother up with crying, she kicked him.
Life was cold. Life was lonely. Tucker was afraid of him and he had nothing left anymore.
Weeks had passed, every day drearier and emptier than the last, every day colder.
But then, it happened.
Michael felt his phone buzz. He sat up quickly and looked.
2:38am, Missed call from Tucker <3
He froze. He didn't know what to do. Did he call back? Did he text? Did he ignore it? It had been ages since Tucker had reached out, Michael was terrified.
Before he could make a decision, his phone began to buzz once more.
He quickly wiped the tears from his face, picking up and responding shakily, "T-Tucker?"
"Hey."
"What is it, are you okay?"
"No, I'm not. I'm sorry. I think we should try again."
Michael smiled, and closed his eyes. He nodded, even though Tucker couldn't see him, because Michael is stupid.
that's it that's the fanfic im so sorry
