MY GUARDIAN ANGEL (a KaiSoo novella)

CHAPTER 5 (Kai)

But, Kai-ssi, I fell in love with you...I am going back...I am not leaving...I'll come back to you, always...Kai...I love you...

"Kyungsoo!"

I wake up with a jolt, sweating from head to toe. I sit up, running a hand through my hair, sighing. I have fallen asleep.

Kyungsoo...disappeared two days ago. I've been dreaming about him ever since then. My life has been a mess since then. I feel dead since then.

I clench my fists.

Where are you Kyungsoo? Come back to me...

I close my eyes. I knew he can't stay here. I knew he can't be with me. I knew he'll leave me. But I didn't know it will be so soon. I didn't even have the chance to say...goodbye.

He's dead. But I didn't care. I didn't care because I love him.

I feel a lump in my throat. I grit my teeth. Crying won't bring him back.

I have lost too much already. Now I lost him too. I don't know if I have enough reason to live anymore.

Try not to die...just live forever...

****

A hand waves in front of me. I blink, disoriented.

"Are you all right, Kai-ah?" Xiumin asks, looking at me closely. "You haven't said a word since...yesterday."

"What...?" I frown, not grasping anything.

"Did something happen?" Suho rests a hand on my shoulder, concerned. "You don't look good."

"You're depressed," Chen whispers, staring at me. "You don't sleep. You don't eat. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"What are you talking about?" I groan. "I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Looks like it," Chen says icily, giving me a look.

"Chen," Suho chastens. Chen ignores him.

"Kai, we don't know what's wrong with you, but stop it!" Chen tells me, his voice hard. Lay holds his arm, cautioning him.

"Maybe you don't know, but what you're doing freaks us out," Chen continues in a more measured tone. "It's natural for us to be worried about you. It's okay if you can't tell us now. But please, stop doing something that frightens us to death."

His words cut through me. I didn't know they care for me that much.

I look down, guilt washing over me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"What's done is done," Chen says, turning around. "Kai, we are your friends. You're not alone. Remember that."

I don't want to say it. But I say it anyway.

"I just...lost...someone...again," I breathe. My heart constricts in pain. I flinch.

Four pairs of eyes turn to me.

"I don't want to talk about it. It'll only make it worse. I had enough. So please...maybe some other time, when I'm...better...I...I...I don't know..."

My voice trails off.

"Kai." Suho's hand on my shoulder tightens.

I breakdown.

****

The next day I ditch school. I've called Suho and he seemed to understand.

"Don't do anything crazy," he'd warned me.