😂Funny Ass 5H And LM Shit😂

Interview With A Fuckboy: A Series (Platypus)

Me: 'Sup, biiiitcheeesss! I'm Z to the A-I fuckin' N! The usual host has been the fuck booted because they sucked big fat donkæ balls and was a dick butt douche baguette... anygay, welcome to The Fuckboy Series! Here, I got my A1, my right hand woman, my sister from anotha mista, (sings) Agent P!

P: 'ello, love

Me: 'Sup, my cute juicy fruit?

P: Um, I'm actually Lauren's juicy fruit, sorryboutit

Me: (shrugs) So? And she my mean sex machine from planet Green...

P: I thought that was Jesy?

Me: They tied... anyway, yo' first question is... you like my "yee-haw" hat?

P: Yeah... it actually looks like mine from the No More Sad Songs music video

Me: (mumbles) 'Cause it is. (normal) Okay, first real question: What the fuck were you wearing in that Touch video? Like, sis...

P: (glares in gay) It's called fash-hun! You're one to talk! Look at you! In that doo-doo outfit!

Me: (looks down and sees I have on ADIDAS pants, my butter Timbs, a red flannel with my CNCO t-shirt and a damn cowboy hat) "It's called fash-hun!"

(Deadass wearing this rn... not the hat tho... obvi)

P: (middle finger)

Me: Nah, I'm good for now... next question: Firstly, I love The Pussy Chronicles collab with Fifth Harmony... shit's a fuckin' banger... what's your favorite track?

P: Probably... Gimme Some Lunch... uh, Slut Drop... and Fuck From Home

Me: (nods) Same... but that freestyle was dope too... ooh, also the interludes and Drag A Bitch

P: Sometimes, ya gotta yeet a bitches weave off her scalp (shrugs)

Me: Facts

P: We're making a volume two... wanna be on it?

Me: Sure... I got fye, watch out: I got hella bars like a prison

P: Ooh

Me: Got all these hoes steady wishin'

P: Damn

Me: Got your girl and your dude in my kitchen

P: Okay

Me: And all they ever do is break dishes

P: Ooh

Me: Fye ain't it?

P: True... gotta use that shit in the next one, mate

Me: Hold on, this ain't a question on here, but where your accent go?

P: Well, I've been in America for a while and since Jerrie's dead-

Me: (lowkey cries)

P: -I spent more time with the 5H girls...

Me: You've been hangin' out with Lauren, haven't you?

P: How you know?

Me: You sound like that vampire hoe... anygay, next question: what's your biggest pet peeve?

P: Well... you, for one-

Me: Bitch, I'll molly wop you

P: What? The fuck? Does that mean?

Me: I'll beat yo' ass... c'mon, you been around us for how long?

P: Shut up, 'm still learning... get on with it, mate

Me: A'ight... Is you gay or is you gayer than a muthafucka?

P: I like what I like just how you like what you like... period

Me: Don't-Don't say that... that's some basic shit

P: Don't make me molly wop you, Z... (glares in gay)

Me: Who's the gayest out of all of us? Me included?

P: Cagayo... Jeed... you when you're not trying to steal Alex, Chris, or Andre-

Me: They some delicious lookin' menses

P: Jesy... annnddd Ally

Me: They the gayest fo' sho'

P: (nods) Hell yeah

Me: Next question: Sex or chocolate?

P: Why not both?

Me: Right? Shit would be dope... next one: Would you ever "do da dirty" to any of your songs?

P: (stank face like Mani head ass) I'll shag to Eye Of The Tiger before I do that!

Me:...

P:...

Me: You fucked Mani to Notice, didn't you?

P: A little bit...

Me: (mumbles) Shid, me too

P: To who?

Me: Thatsclassifiedinformation. Next one: Since you only have four senses (mumbles) actually, humans have up to 12, but okay (normal) what other sense could you go without?

P: Touch, defo

Me: (raises eyebrow) Sex would be boring, lass

P: But at least when Jesy hits me upside the head, it wouldn't hurt

Me: True dat, that sexy bitch is heavy handed as fuck... okay, last question: When is Alex gonna pop the question?

P: (shrugs) Fuck am I suppose to know? He might do it after a win or something... or probably while we're binge watching VicTorious on Netflix

Me: Wait, can we just agree that Tori was actually the worst character? Like I love Victoria, but they did her character no justice...

P: (points at me) Hehe, I see what you did there

Me: (giggles) Totally unintentional...

P: Yeah, Tori is horrible... though, Jade? She's had me sexually confused since the beginning

Me: Which Jade? (smirks)

P: (stale face)

Me: Oh, c'mon, Fish! We know y'all hooked up at least once!

P: Nah, playa...

Me: Not even a kiss?

P: Nah

Me: What about with Jesy?

P: (nods) Plenty of times

Me: Then you indirectly kissed Jade

P:... You really miss Jerrie don't you?

Me: ... yes

P: (rolls eyes; takes out phone and calls Jade) Ayo, Jeed... come back to The Fuckboy Series

J: Kinda in the middle of somefing, Purrie

P: What are you doing?

J: Em... homework?

L: I'm homework!

P: (hangs up phone like Peppa Pig did Suzie Sheep when she found out she could whistle)

Me: Well, damn... at least Leighade is real!

P: (shrugs)

Me: Anygay, that's it for this series! My name is Zain-

P: -"Give You Back Pain" Mozzarella! Look out for her on The Pussy Chronicles Vol. II coming in late January!

Me: Bet! A'ight, errbody! Imma fuck withcha!

CG: (turns camera off) We clear, boss kid

Me: Im21youdickbuttdouchebaguette. Anyway, Fish, let's go hit up Cookout with Cagayo and 'nem

P: Bet money

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*This was trash and I'm disappointed in me self...