Me: 'Sup, biiiitcheeesss! I'm Z to the A-I fuckin' N! The usual host has been the fuck booted because they sucked big fat donkæ balls and was a dick butt douche baguette... anygay, welcome to The Fuckboy Series! Here, I got my A1, my right hand woman, my sister from anotha mista, (sings) Agent P!
P: 'ello, love
Me: 'Sup, my cute juicy fruit?
P: Um, I'm actually Lauren's juicy fruit, sorryboutit
Me: (shrugs) So? And she my mean sex machine from planet Green...
P: I thought that was Jesy?
Me: They tied... anyway, yo' first question is... you like my "yee-haw" hat?
P: Yeah... it actually looks like mine from the No More Sad Songs music video
Me: (mumbles) 'Cause it is. (normal) Okay, first real question: What the fuck were you wearing in that Touch video? Like, sis...
P: (glares in gay) It's called fash-hun! You're one to talk! Look at you! In that doo-doo outfit!
Me: (looks down and sees I have on ADIDAS pants, my butter Timbs, a red flannel with my CNCO t-shirt and a damn cowboy hat) "It's called fash-hun!"
(Deadass wearing this rn... not the hat tho... obvi)
P: (middle finger)
Me: Nah, I'm good for now... next question: Firstly, I love The Pussy Chronicles collab with Fifth Harmony... shit's a fuckin' banger... what's your favorite track?
P: Probably... Gimme Some Lunch... uh, Slut Drop... and Fuck From Home
Me: (nods) Same... but that freestyle was dope too... ooh, also the interludes and Drag A Bitch
P: Sometimes, ya gotta yeet a bitches weave off her scalp (shrugs)
Me: Facts
P: We're making a volume two... wanna be on it?
Me: Sure... I got fye, watch out: I got hella bars like a prison
P: Ooh
Me: Got all these hoes steady wishin'
P: Damn
Me: Got your girl and your dude in my kitchen
P: Okay
Me: And all they ever do is break dishes
P: Ooh
Me: Fye ain't it?
P: True... gotta use that shit in the next one, mate
Me: Hold on, this ain't a question on here, but where your accent go?
P: Well, I've been in America for a while and since Jerrie's dead-
Me: (lowkey cries)
P: -I spent more time with the 5H girls...
Me: You've been hangin' out with Lauren, haven't you?
P: How you know?
Me: You sound like that vampire hoe... anygay, next question: what's your biggest pet peeve?
P: Well... you, for one-
Me: Bitch, I'll molly wop you
P: What? The fuck? Does that mean?
Me: I'll beat yo' ass... c'mon, you been around us for how long?
P: Shut up, 'm still learning... get on with it, mate
Me: A'ight... Is you gay or is you gayer than a muthafucka?
P: I like what I like just how you like what you like... period
Me: Don't-Don't say that... that's some basic shit
P: Don't make me molly wop you, Z... (glares in gay)
Me: Who's the gayest out of all of us? Me included?
P: Cagayo... Jeed... you when you're not trying to steal Alex, Chris, or Andre-
Me: They some delicious lookin' menses
P: Jesy... annnddd Ally
Me: They the gayest fo' sho'
P: (nods) Hell yeah
Me: Next question: Sex or chocolate?
P: Why not both?
Me: Right? Shit would be dope... next one: Would you ever "do da dirty" to any of your songs?
P: (stank face like Mani head ass) I'll shag to Eye Of The Tiger before I do that!
Me:...
P:...
Me: You fucked Mani to Notice, didn't you?
P: A little bit...
Me: (mumbles) Shid, me too
P: To who?
Me: Thatsclassifiedinformation. Next one: Since you only have four senses (mumbles) actually, humans have up to 12, but okay (normal) what other sense could you go without?
P: Touch, defo
Me: (raises eyebrow) Sex would be boring, lass
P: But at least when Jesy hits me upside the head, it wouldn't hurt
Me: True dat, that sexy bitch is heavy handed as fuck... okay, last question: When is Alex gonna pop the question?
P: (shrugs) Fuck am I suppose to know? He might do it after a win or something... or probably while we're binge watching VicTorious on Netflix
Me: Wait, can we just agree that Tori was actually the worst character? Like I love Victoria, but they did her character no justice...
P: (points at me) Hehe, I see what you did there
Me: (giggles) Totally unintentional...
P: Yeah, Tori is horrible... though, Jade? She's had me sexually confused since the beginning
Me: Which Jade? (smirks)
P: (stale face)
Me: Oh, c'mon, Fish! We know y'all hooked up at least once!
P: Nah, playa...
Me: Not even a kiss?
P: Nah
Me: What about with Jesy?
P: (nods) Plenty of times
Me: Then you indirectly kissed Jade
P:... You really miss Jerrie don't you?
Me: ... yes
P: (rolls eyes; takes out phone and calls Jade) Ayo, Jeed... come back to The Fuckboy Series
J: Kinda in the middle of somefing, Purrie
P: What are you doing?
J: Em... homework?
L: I'm homework!
P: (hangs up phone like Peppa Pig did Suzie Sheep when she found out she could whistle)
Me: Well, damn... at least Leighade is real!
P: (shrugs)
Me: Anygay, that's it for this series! My name is Zain-
P: -"Give You Back Pain" Mozzarella! Look out for her on The Pussy Chronicles Vol. II coming in late January!
Me: Bet! A'ight, errbody! Imma fuck withcha!
CG: (turns camera off) We clear, boss kid
Me: Im21youdickbuttdouchebaguette. Anyway, Fish, let's go hit up Cookout with Cagayo and 'nem
P: Bet money
———
*This was trash and I'm disappointed in me self...

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Fanfictionbunch of 5H/CC/LMand other shit that'll make u laugh, I guess- iF YoU DoN't rEaD THiS, I'LL pUT my Big tOE IN Yo' mOuF tONIgHT OR I'LL PUt My phAT DicK cOcK In YO NoZ ZONT PLAI WIF MEH, THOT