Alam nyo ba yung feeling na "you've been taken for granted"?
Yung feeling mo na pinaasa ka lang sa mga pangakong di naman matutupad..
I am not a writer. I just wann share my thoughts and painful experience about this guy whom i have loved for such a long time...
It was May 2013 when I sent him a message confessing that i have been liking him for almost 6 years that time.. 8 months later we started to have a communication.. Nagkakatext na kami and didn't know na sya pa yung una tatawag saken.. Syempre, he was the one who asked me my number. February 2014, nagsimula na sya magparamdam, ako naman syempre kilig.. Then on March 2014, he asked me if it is ok with me if he courts me.
At yun, dahil nga crush ko sya, pumayag ako.. Late ko na narealize na baka nililigawan nya lang ako just beacuse he knew i like him..
Days passed, medyo di sya masyado nagpaparamdam.. yung tipong halos one a week lang, or worse twice a month lang..
Busy din kasi sya sa pag-aaral nun, dahil paalis na din sya papuntang Japan by May..
Habang nasa Pilipinas pa sya, we often talk and napaka rare din namin magkita.. As in rare!!! From March to May, parang 3 times lang yata kame nagkita..
May 22, 2014. Date ng flight nya to Japan. I wasn't really expecting a phone call or even a text man lang kasi 2 weeks before that ni hindi man lang saken nagpaparamdam..
Naiintindihan ko naman ang kabusyhan nya at medyo tanga ako dun, pero babae naman ako.. Haii..
Pero kahit ganun, palagi pa rin ako nagtetext sa kanya.. Kahit hindi kami na mimiss ko sya.. SOBRA!!!
Then, June 5, 2014. I was on a meeting in the morning. I put my phone on silent kasi nga meeting.. Then I had my lunch and forgot about my phone. Then, I had my class.
It was almost 3pm that day when I checked my phone.
I was really shocked and was shaking when I found out that he was calling me 12 times during lunch break.. Ofcourse, I texted him immediately..
Naalala ko tuloy the last time we text na sabi ko, tawagan or itext man lang nya ako bago sya umalis.. So, maybe, he didn't really left that 22nd of May, kundi June 5!
That night, I went to the mall and accidentally got my phone connected into a wifi, i opened my facebook and he was the first in my newsfeeds posting: "Paalam... Aalis na ako..."
So! I was right! That moment when he was calling me, yun yung mga oras na paalis na sya..
Nakakapanghinayang.. Di ko man lang sya nakausap...
10 days after, he called me using a payphone in Japan. After that unti unti nang nawala ang communication namin.. May facebook naman pero wala, he doesn't even bother to leave me a personal message, a like or a comment.. Wala.. As in WALA!!!
Pero inaamin ko... I really am stupid.. I really like him and no one else comes close.. Kahit di na kami nag-uusap, umaasa pa rin ako na one of these days ay maaalala nya man lang ako..
Nakakalungkot. It's as if i don't even know myself anymore..
Sya lang pala ang magiging cause ng depression ko tuwing gabi..
But then, thankful ako dahil I am able to release my stress through this.. Feeling ko kasi, yung mga taong makakarelate dito and naka overcome ng experience nila ay ramdam na ramdam ang pakiramdam ko..
Feeling ko kasi pinaasa lang ako sa wala..
Feeling ko ang tanga ko, sobra!
Feeling ko niloloko ang sarili ko pag sinasabi ko sa mga taong nakapaligid saken na di ko na sya naaalala..
Feeling ko sya na lang ang lalaki at wala nang dadating na iba..
You, see... I realize these things and yet, I'm still holding on to all of the memories.. Hindi ko mabitawan.. Parang ang hirap lang kasi i-Let go.. Parang ang hirap basta na lang itapon kahit wala naman talagang na-invest..
Ako lang naman ang nag-invest, sya walang interes kaya hindi tumubo.. XD hahaha
So, eto na po yung katangahan ko.. Medyo mahina ako sa explanation.. Pero kung may makakabasa man nito, at willing magbigay ng advice, very open po ako.. Alam ko naman kasi na kailangan ko rin ng words of wisdom galing sa ibang tao.. :)
Para sa kanya na dahilan ng paglabas ng maikli kong kuwento, kung mabasa man nya 'to, sana masaya sya sa buhay nya at wag na lang sana nya maranasan kung ano man yung nagawa nya saken.. Sinasadya man nya or hini.. :)
