I am disgusted with myself.
I should be disgusted.
I really don’t know why I do these things.
Sometimes it really scares me;
To see me…
A broken girl,
Behind a mask.
I am scared of myself, the things I do.
I think I am crazy.
I don’t really know where it started;
This Path into insanity.
You can’t help me…
Nobody can.
I haven’t told anybody,
But I think they have begun to notice it.
My mother says things like,
“I worry about you”
And my Dad says things about,
“Shipping me off to a Boarding School”
To tell the truth, I want to go…
Maybe it will help;
Maybe it won’t.
Last Night I think I looked at porn
But I can’t remember.
There was a weird popup;
And I had to delete my history.
Why would I do that?
Cause I don’t know.
Maybe I was curious,
At what people say is so good.
But in all sincerity,
I hate it.
It is disgusting…
and really gross.
This morning I screamed,
at my little brother.
All I wanted to do was
Hurt him,
Make Him shut up.
But I didn’t…
He says crazy nonsense.
Screaming about flipping unicorns,
and saying “let’s go baby”.
I don’t think he knows what he is talking about.
But maybe he does…
Maybe he doesn’t find that as gross as I do.
Sometimes my brothers and sister are
Scared of me;
I know by how the flinch,
And back away.
Part of it hurts, and I want to fix it;
To hold them and tell them,
“I wouldn’t hurt them”
But that would be lying.
The other part of me;
is harder to keep control of.
It longs to hurt them.
Make them fear me,
It says that they should,
Fear me.
