The Only Reason (Muke)

Chapter 8

Michael's POV

A sudden pain wakes me up making me jump. You may wonder where the pain came from? Or maybe you already know.

I look down at the deep cuts in my wrist, someone cleaned them while I was sleeping, but who? It takes me a second to realize I wasn't in my room. I'm in Calum's room, honestly I was hoping I would be in Luke's room but no because he didn't care and still doesn't care if I die, what if I try? I really don't have a reason to stay anymore. It's too early to be thinking shit.

My thoughts are cut off by a soft knock on the door. I try to stand up but I can't, I feel fragile as if soft air could push me down. I try to speak but my throat is sore and swollen from all the screaming and crying.

"What," I manage to croak. 

"It's Ashton, can we talk?" Ashton answers from the other side of the door. I can't say no to him, he'll come in anyways.

"Whatever," I respond. I'm definitely not in the mood for a god damn pep talk, but here goes nothing.

Ashton walks in, closing the door softly and walking over to me but keeping his distance.

"You know we all love you right? So much, we don't know what we would do without you," Ashton says softly as he sat on the bed with crossed legs.

I shake my head, they don't love me, they don't need me.

"Michael look at me," Ashton demanded in a deep and strong voice, surprisingly I do.

"You've got to stop this, you don't deserve any of it, you're hurting all of us and specially Luke, Luke cares about you so mu-" The pain in my throat is unbearable but I just start laughing.

"If he cared he would be right here, he wasn't there yesterday was he? Of course not, I'm not stupid, I know I care about him but he doesn't care about me. He wasn't there Ashton," he pats my knee with sympathy on his eyes.

"He thought it was his fault, that's why he wasn't there, you have to stop. By hurting yourself you hurt all of us," Ashton whispers with glazed eyes.

"Ash, it's hard you don't understand! This is all my fault, I just. I can't love myself Ashton." I look away with a tear rolling down my pale cheek.

"Look Michael," Ashton removes all of his bracelets and shows me his scars, burns, everything.

"This, is temporary." He motions to my wrists and his wrists with a limp hand.

"Make Luke happy. And Michael. Let Luke make you happy,"

"He will never love me the way I do," I whisper to myself and Ashton looks at me with furrowed eyebrows.

I hear doors being opened harshly then Calum's door opens almost breaking from the force. Luke is just standing there, shocked before rushing to me and pulling me into a hug.

Luke's POV

I couldn't sleep all night.

I read everything. I shouldn't have, those are his secrets, he's gonna hate me now.

After I finished reading everything all I could do is pull my knees to my chest and rock back and forth to calm myself down, I'm still doing it and it's not helping much. I'm pretty much traumatized, even more than I had already been. Now I know what it feels like to have your own unhealthy memories and thoughts and adding someone else's tragic past, can mess you up even more actually. To the point that your brain stops to take a break from the constant pain being taken, a time bomb actually, there will be a point where it will explode.