Paper Crown

a queen whose castle has fallen into the sea

H: do we meet today??

Before Sansa as a chance to reply, to even ponder her decision, the door opens. It's him, he's never late, six o'clock sharp he's always home, she doesn't know how to feel about that. He knows very well what's going on, he's seen her with the phone in her hands and it's not hard to guess to whom she's talking to, yet he never mentions a thing about it, he doesn't show anger, sadness, not even pity for the woman she turned out to be. Just like every day, Jon Snow simply doesn't care. Sansa doesn't either, she's tired of pretending.

"Hello, Sansa." He says her name but doesn't really acknowledge her presence, just takes off his work boots and heads for the kitchen.

It's better this way, at least he won't have to look in her eyes and see the truth, Sansa can lie with her words and gestures, but her eyes always betray her, just like his. Jon treats this matter with indifference when in fact it's killing him, that alone should be enough for her to stop, unfortunately it isn't. Sansa's been running for so long that she's grown used to it, even if she wanted to put an end to it, it would be impossible.

And why should I stop?

It's not like she and Jon are the same. Ever since that summer day two years ago, things haven't been the same. They died that day, now they're just existing, two creatures of cold, nothing but hate and sorrow running trough their veins. He blames her for what happened, she blames him for what happened, and in this game they've been playing for years they're always the ones who get hurt. Jon and Sansa, the happy and loving couple, the one that people so often aspired to be like, are gone. Now all that remains is the memories, and a desire to hurt one another. Sansa hurts Jon with her actions, he hurts her with the lack of his.

He's always quiet, sometimes it feels as if this house is haunted by two ghosts instead of one. Sansa can't even hear him arriving in the living room, only when he sits in his recliner chair, opening a beer and turning on the TV - mainly because he doesn't want to talk -, it's when she sees him.

"How was work?" Sansa asks, she doesn't really care about what he does when he leaves.

But this silence that by now should've been their friend is suffocating her, Sansa's not sure if she'll ever get used to it. Not when once laugher filled these walls, not when a sweet and energetic voice would breathe life into them. The day he left, he took all the joy, all the love, the best of them with him. All that remains are the demons they can't fight, the demons that both she and Jon allowed to take root in them.

"Winter is coming, so people are starting to prepare for it. But it's nothing we aren't used to." He doesn't look at her, whatever game on is definitely more important.

I hate you.

It's not the first time Sansa finds herself wishing he could fall from one of those roofs he works in. It makes her a monster, but so be it. Where there's love, there's room for hate, and Jon has given her plenty of motives for it.

"And yours?" He's still focused on that goddamn TV.

"We did inventory today at the pharmacy, nothing else."

"Good." He says. Jon's right, winter is truly coming.

This house has never been this cold. Liveless.

"I made dinner. It's in the oven." Sansa used to cook everyday, not anymore.

It reminds her too much of what they lost, of how that sweet little boy would always chase her around in the kitchen, trying to have a snack before diner time. Nowadays just thinking about cooking it's enough to render her to tears, the only reason she did it today is because Sansa misses him. In those two hours spent near the stove, she could pretend he was in his room playing, at any moment he would come and they would giggle and make a mess. He never comes, it's always quiet in here.