Love, Violet

Responsibilities

     This morning was December 28, 2000. Today is my 18th birthday.  Today is the day where my life had stopped spinning . I thought to myself, " I am an adult now! I can vote I can get my  drivers license! I feel free!" However, I then realized  I would be thrown into harsh reality.  I would have to make my own appointments which meant I  had to speak to people and figure out shit on my own. My mother always told me about  the times I got into many accidents. They were frightening enough as it is. There was the time that I nearly  died. After being born I became incredibly ill with pneumonia. I was near death so I had to receive a blood transfusion from a stranger with the blood type that I needed. Unfortunately, I never got to know them to thank them for saving my life. To this day, I still have scars on my knuckles/ hands from where they had to prick me with sharp needles to give me the transfusion blood that I needed.                                                                                           

                                                                                   *Flashback*

      My whole family, I remember distinctly having a barbecue in the back yard of my home. Our home was a duplex with my aunt and her family living on the left home of the duplex ( we both had separate houses but from the outside, they looked like they were stuck together as a whole). She had clearly instructed me to not go near the grill. Defiant little me didn't have a care in the world, so I continued to run around and eventually, I bumped into the grill. I  remember seeing myself fall off my bike with no training wheels and all the adults shrieking and running toward me. I received third degree burns  and bubbles started to form along my entire left arm.

                                                                       *End of flashback*

I came from a Hispanic family so our barbecues consisted of our close friends and family members coming over for a carne asada with salsas like guacamole, sopa de arroz and even nopales (which were pretty delicious if you ask me). It was my senior year of high school and I was nearing the end of Semester One... I had the usual stressors, one of them being senioritis. For those of you that don't know what that means, it means that during students' senior year of high school they begin to procrastinate. Doing assignments no longer seems so stressful all of a sudden. Our mentality consisted of, " Oh, no worry! It's currently 4:00 pm I have 8 hours until my final paper was due.. I can do this I'll just wing it. (or at least I thought I could). The only difference was it NEVER worked. Senior year was full of so many college applications and not to mention remembering and keeping up with the matriculation steps to even be considered for college admittance. 

     Next year I was officially going to college. I would get to finally have the freedom away from my parents, I could no longer associate myself with wearing a mask that I've held on for so long... it eventually made me feel empty. Going to college meant I would have to move away or I could go to college near my home at a much lower cost. Either way, I wound up going to a community college in my city. It was very difficult to verbally speak up for myself and figure out things for myself.  I have emotional trauma from when I was younger.  There were times where I had to call a representative from the fiscal office and it brought me so much anxiety. All I could do was have breakdowns or breathing sessions to prepare for this simple 1-minute conversation. All the words that I was trying to say came out jumbled. I needed at least 20 minutes of written scripture to effectively plan out what I was going to say.

      I had so many responsibilities like finally getting my driver's identification after the year I turned 18, aka the year I was supposed to get it, but oh well.  I had to apply for my semester classes on my own. I had no one to talk to really. I did know some people going to GCC but their schedules were so different than mine. As I headed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror I saw the woman in the mirror in front of me. To describe her specifically, She was thin and tall. Her hair was dark brown with pink highlights. The woman staring at me had these soft honey brown eyes. Her eyelashes were killer. One look from her and you'd be mesmerized and under her spell. She LOVED getting her long acrylic nails done. Most go her fingers had rings on them. It was her specialty but those damn nails brought chaos on her actual nails when it was time to come off. They were as soft as paper. One wrong move like picking up something heavy left me exclaiming,"THERE GOES MY NEW NAIL. "