Just As I Thought

4. "The Damage Has Been Done"

We are already home. We left West Side at 5:30 P.M. and we just arrived at 1:30 A.M. Yes, it's an 8-hour drive and I am so tired. I have to get some sleep because I have to wake up at 6:00 A.M. for school. I didn't have a chance to get some sleep on our way home 'coz I can't help thinking that I really miss him. I think I am regretting what I did to him.

The lesson is; we shouldn't replace our long term happiness into a temporary one. I've been so selfish. I had so many realizations. How can I even show my face to him later at school? I don't think I am ready to see him with someone else. Or seeing him alone and hurt because of me. Should I apologize? Don't you think I could look desperate in doing that? I guess not. I think it's fine. After all, men and women are made to be equal. If boys can make efforts, girls can too.

[ A t  S c h o o l ]

While walking at the corridor I saw him coming towards me. He said "hi" with a teary eyed and a bitter smile. I answered "I'm sorry" and bowed my head in shame. I can see how hurt he is. I can see those eyes swollen from crying a long night. He said, "I didn't bother to text and call you after you broke up with me 'coz I know it's all my fault. Don't blame yourself. It's me who said something that isn't nice to you." I asked, "So that's it? If you think it's your fault why didn't you just explain your side and say sorry?" He held my hand and said, "If I explained, would you listen? And I think we're having a hard time reaching each other 'coz like what you've said, signal's a bit poor. I just want things to cool down first between us. I just thought maybe seeing you here at school makes us both realize the real feelings we have for each other." Tears fell down on my cheeks as he explains his side with sincerity. He's right. He's absolutely right. Even if he texts and calls me, I would ignore him 'coz what I am thinking that time is only that moment with my cousins. I am wrong. Definitely. I should have explained to him in a nice way for him to understand that I have to make time for my family. I asked him "Have you atleast missed me?" "Of course," he said, and continued. "If only you knew how many times I have typed a message and erased it. I just didn't send it 'coz I am giving you time and space to think."

I felt so guilty. But everything's clear now. We are back together. And now, I have to be more careful with the words I am about to say and actions I'm gonna make. He loves me so purely. And I have to be mature enough for our relationship to last for a lifetime.

[ S t u d e n t s'  D a y ]

Today is Friday. We are about to held our students' day this morning and our school's foundation day in the afternoon. We are busy building our own booths. Each organization has their own ways of fund raising. I belong to the S.A.V.E. org. that promotes environmental awareness. We have different kinds of booths like jail booth, marriage booth, kiss booth which I am in charge and many more. So the kiss booth goes like this; if someone in charge kissed you (with a red lipstick on to mark the kiss) that means you'll have to pay him/her.

I am nervous. Should I do this? There's a lot of booths, why on earth did they tasked me with this one? I haven't kissed someone before. So if I did this, it will be my first kiss. (FYI kiss on cheeks) I have to look for Kent, I'm sure he's gonna be mad at me. We just got back. I don't want him to think that I am not reflecting to what he would feel. But I can't just take it easy. If I didn't reach my quota in raising funds for the org. I might be terminated. And I need this for maintaining my scholarship. Where are you, Kent? Time check, 10:30 A.M. and I still haven't raised a single cent. Maybe he won't come, so I guess I have to start. After all it's no big deal for me. It's just a part of my activity as an officer. There's no need to worry, it's just for fun. My co-officer recommended my first target, it was Malcolm. He is a 4th year student. I think most of us has a crush on someone older than us. It's just an infatuation, it's not like I want him to be mine. He's just someone I admire because of his looks. He is tall, his eyes looks like an Indian, he has pouty lips, he is a good basketball player just like his little brother and way too handsome than Marcus. Yes, you read it right, my first possible kiss on cheeks is my ex-boyfriend's brother. How ironic.