As a child, I was taught to be helpful on my terms. I would be asked to do menial tasks: grab something off the printer, check under the couch for the remote, stir this real quick. My voluntary helpfulness no longer was optional. I couldn't say no. Not to say that I wasn't willing, but sometimes it went against what I was capable of in the moment: Watching my nephew, waiting a little longer so someone can run errands, babysit so your sister can go do a job application. I did it happily. What I didn't notice was the inability to prioritize myself first. I lost my ability to just be plain selfish. It generally is fine. But... The universe. My universe has created an unspoken rule. A law that I follow even when I desperately want... Need to break it. I am not allowed to be sad or upset when someone else around me has worries or troubles. I am not the priority and I shouldn't be treated as such. Someone always is having a bigger catastrophe. I am not allowed to fry my fish now when they need the burner, so back I get shoved. I fault no one but myself. You don't look past yourself when you are in a disaster situation, and I've gotten so good at putting on my character. My facade is flawless. The smile looks so real you would hardly believe that it is a fake. Most people expect the beautiful ending of "this is something I have identified and am actively working to fix in my life". But no. Not here. I am not allowed to feel when there are people in need around me.
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Poems For The Lost And Forgotten
PoetryI've condensed my early poetry to one chapter. My new stuff will all get its own chapters. Most of the newer stuff is going to be spoken word poetry that I'm too scared to actually speak. Or what I like to call Unspoken Word. These are all the thing...
