cᴀтнᴀʀsιs ➻ ❛❛wʀιтιɴԍ & ᴘoᴇмs❜❜

i. sibling bond

an entry for the 'quelle horreur'  prompt
of the café jaune writing club  :>
enjoy   !

warnings : gore ??  mention of mental disorders and suicide

━━━━━━━━

❛ and all i loved ,

i loved alone ❜

──  edgar allan poe

I loved my sister  .

I knew that for a fact , that I had the purest affection for my dear little sister. Not many siblings at my age , at this time , could proudly say that they loved their sibling .  But I was exceptional .

Since the day she was brought into this world , her gummy smile and gentle soft curls of blonde hair . The first time she laughed,  I knew from then , that i would do anything to protect my little sister  .

Even when I found out she was supposed to be ' different ' some days after she was born .  Down syndrome they said . At that time , I only knew it apparently made her different , but I never saw anything different in her !

When she fell sick , I was always by mother's side to tend to her . When she fell , got hurt , this being in the tender two years of her life , her big brother was always there for her . Even the day they carted her away into the hospital ward , that mother looked so terrified , I held unto her pale small hands and whispered to her

' Debbie , big bro would always be here '

Was I glad she survived . I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to cope with losing her , I could have killed myself even . I could always have done something somehow .

However as more years passed , she didn't seem to grow very well , but she would still always do her best to stay up and play with me . Mother was more quiet,  cried more , and ignored her.  It ignited a faint fury inside me , but my little sister would always comfort me and the anger would simmer . Her friends kept scorning her , and whenever we played together,  people looked at us , like we were strangers ! Rejects !  Mad !  How dare they . 

Sis never did cry , or seem moved . Her little fingers would just curl around mine and tell me that it was okay . Even when I bit one of my classmates telling me what was wrong with me .

By the time I was in my ripe teenage years , my mother's condition had grown worse . She would constantly weep and try to pull me aside from playing with Debbie . The woman even got a psychiatrist for me , and I got pills . For what , I didn't understand.  But they made me sleep . More sleep , meant less time with my sister . I kept fading off in the middle of our conversations , I hated it . So I stopped taking them . Without my mother's knowledge . 

The next two years were a blur , my apparent father came back and there were more whispers in the house .

And then . Debbie started saying , they hit her . She grew more distant , had scars . It angered me once more, and this time she couldn't comfort the anger
In fact , this time , she encouraged me

' You still love me bro , right ? '

Those words told me what to do , when she looked up to me with tear ridden eyes and hugged my torso , pointing to the two who chatted lovingly to one another .

A knife was all I needed , in the middle of the night .  Metal tore through both of my parent's flesh , as crimson stained their sheets . Yet I felt nothing . Only my love for my sister fuelled my now hatred for them . Their bodies now rotted in the attic , organs left to display.  I got my sister's smile , that was all I needed . She wasn't terrified , she told me , while we'd rock on the swings together.

It became easier . Slaughtering anyone who dared to disrespect her . Even when I turned 20 , the habit was more natural to me . Even if my sister didn't feel the same as she used to,  it didn't matter she was here with me .

In 2016 , when i was arrested for my crimes , my parent's bodies found and buried , I screamed and cried . Not because of being in prison , because my sister had suddenly turned her back on me . Nowhere to be seen.

" My sister  !  Let her visit  me  !  "

The officers would always stare at me in confusion,  and fear , before they would disband .  It confused me , them saying I had schizophrenia .

It took me another two years but , eventually

I finally understood,  what I needed to do  .  To be with my sister  .

━━━━

" Deborah Gardner.  Died at the age of 1 to a seizure .  Daughter to the deceased Yasmine and Reginald Gardner "

"  Brother claimed she was still alive several years after her death , committed several murders , and eventually suicide by hanging in a prison cell '

" How saddening indeed "