Great Big Storybook of Random Ass Supernatural One-Shots

Samstiel and CasDean

Dean clicked the safety on the gun as he went up to observe his target. At least five shots hit the center of the bullseye over the heart and only one was slightly off center on the head of the paper man. Not bad.

Done for the day, he tore the sheet off the wall and stuffed it into a trash can on his way out the door. As he walked down the hallway, the took the cotton balls out of his ears and shoved them in his pocket.

Dean went to turn into the kitchen, but stopped in his tracks. Was that... creaking?

eeee eeee eeee

It was faint, but he definitely heard it. The noise seemed to be coming from... Sam's room?

Yeah. Sam's room. And it was getting faster.

eeee eeee eeee

Dean tried not to throw up in his mouth.

Why the hell would Sam bring a girl back to a fucking secret bunker? If she was a demon, she wouldn't be able to enter, but honest to god this was still about the dumbest thing any human being could possibly do. No wonder everyone he fucked died.

"OH YES!" Sam shouted with pleasure.

Dean felt physically ill. He shoved the cotton balls back in his ears and poured himself an especially full glass of whiskey and tried to make his sandwich as quickly as possible. As soon as the creaking stopped he was kicking that bitch out. Sam's girlfriend had to leave too.

"ALMOST THERE!" Came a shout from the room; a voice way to low to be Sam's. Dean choked on his whiskey. That was most definitely a man's voice.

He ripped the cotton out of his ears in time to hear the creaking stop. Dean stood frozen in place, unsure what to do. Sam had never given any indications that he was into men, but Dean knew what those noises were. Sam sounded very... willing.

Dean jumped as he heard the door to Sam's room open and two sets of footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

Sam was talking to his unseen partner down the hall as he walked in the kitchen wearing nothing but sweatpants, "I don't know. That was interesting. A new experience. Not sure if I prefer it, but I'd do it again," Sam turned and saw his brother, "Hey Dean," he said casually, "How was target practice?"

Dean stared with his mouth agape as a shirtless Castiel passed through the doorway behind him.

"Oh my god," Dean breathed, "You guys fucked, didn't you?"

"Sorry, what?" Sam asked innocently. Dean gave him a death glare and Sam just shrugged with a little smirk on his face.

Dean punched him. Right in the side of the head, hard enough to knock him out. Sam spun on his way down as he hit the floor with a smack and stayed there, unmoving.

"Dean? Why do you do that?" Cas stared wide-eyed at Sam slumped unconscious on the floor.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Dean shouted, anxiously swiping down his face with his palm.

"Dean, if you are reacting to what happened down the hall, I assure you it was nothing serious. We simply agreed on a mutual service of pleasure to each other," Cas said.

"Nope. Stop. For the love of god. Stop. Stop right now," Dean shook his head.

"Sam and I-"

"OH MY GOD NO!" Dean cut him off, "No. Just stop talking. I don't want to hear a single word about how fucking platonic sex with my brother was. Shut up and stand there. Don't move, don't talk, don't even breathe. Just stand there or I swear to god I'll punch you too."

Castiel stood attentively while Dean chugged the rest of his whiskey and sighed as he leaned against the counter, holding his head.

"What's wrong, Dean?" Cas asked finally.

"Shut up, Cas," Dean groaned, massaging his temples and still trying to sort through the mess that was running through his mind.

"If you tell me what is wrong I may be able to help," Cas said.

"Just... Just... JUST SHUT UP!" In one motion Dean stepped up to Cas and gripped his head with both hands, pulling him into a kiss.

Castiel's eyes widened with initial shock, but he eventually closed them and put his arms around Dean's torso, pressing their bodies together. Dean slid his tongue into Cas' mouth and he returned the gesture. Their tongues danced as they held each other as close as they could possibly could.

On the floor, Sam rolled awake to watch the event unfold.

"I had fucking hoped so," he gave a loopy smile.

Dean quickly pulled away, "What? You wanted this to happen? Did you guys actually screw?"

Sam's eyes rolled back into his skull and his head slumped to the floor once again. Dean knelt beside him and rolled him onto his back. He pried one eye open. Pure white; Sam was really out.

"Great. I gave him a goddamn concussion," Dean grumbled.

Cas knelt beside him and touched two fingers to Sam's head. His eyes flew open - now with an iris and pupil present.

"Thanks," the brothers said in unison. Cas nodded.

Dean shifted his gaze between the two of them, "So... What the hell happened in that room?" He asked.

"I did what I had to to make you realize how bad you had it for Cas," Sam nodded at the angel as he stood up.

"Well yeah, but did you guys really do it or did you jump on the bed and try not to giggle like twelve-year-old girls? I mean that shit sounded convincing."

Sam shrugged as he left the kitchen with a smirk.

"Sam? Sam! SAMMY!" Dean called after him, but Sam kept walking.