Moving On - A Holland Fanfic

Moving out

As a newbie I was standing on stage. The cameras were focused on me. I was only 16, and I was standing there. I didn't feel good in the clothes I was wearing. I just didn't feel me.

After the show I shook off my bad feelings. I did a good job. I did what I needed to do. But I didn't do what I wanted to do. The mirror told me that he couldn't find the real Go Tae-Seob, that he needed to search behind all things in my room, but still he wasn't able to find me.

I didn't pass that day. I wasn't mad or anything. I thought that this could mean a new start for me. I decided to quit my carreer and to look for the person I wanted to be. Honestly, it could have been the best two years in my entire teenage life.

On my 18th birthday, moving to the USA was the best way to do that. I left Korea, to find a new place to live. To find a place, made for me.

My neighbours immediately welcomed me. I hadn't felt that feeling in a long time. I moved on my own. It was the best decision.

*

Now, I'm 19 and I see the world from another point of view. I can freely think what I want to think. My thoughts are finally set free. That's how I discovered that in the back of my head, there's a nerve for your own identity. My nerve started to work as soon as I took a rest after moving out. I got the feeling that I'm a bit different than I wanted to realise.

I'm making a cake for myself. I like to spoil myself sometimes. I work in the evening, but during the day I'm free to do what I want. As I do not like leaving my house, I try to find activities to do inside.

I also write a blog to keep in touch with my family, so they can read what I'm up to. I do not always tell the truth, because I don't want them to know that I'm not always as sociable as I claim on my blog.

Since I feel so lonely and I see that I need to mingle, I decided to rent out two rooms. People who are interested can send me a mail. I don't think I will get tenants fast. I don't live in such a popular place. It's not very close to any school or city centre. That's exactly the reason why I wanted to live in this house.

I eat my cake, watching an English TV series. I think my English still can improve, although I can express all my feelings already in English. In Korean it was even harder sometimes. After half a cake I stand up and turn off the television. The weather looks too beautiful to stay inside. Usually I don't go outside, but I have the feeling that today's the day.

I put on my jacket, but take it off as soon as I go outside. I throw it inside and lock my door. There's a little shop close to my house. It's always quiet there, so I don't have any problem going there. In the front there's a board to stick anything you want on it. I like to read it when I'm going to do the groceries. That's the only place where I come to a halt.

This time there's an interesting message. Someone's looking for a place to stay. In this neighbourhood? I take it with me and decide to talk to the person as soon as possible. This sounds very unbelievable.

I go home with the groceries and put them in the kitchen. I soon will start cooking for this evening, although I don't feel like it.

I lay down in the sofa and stare ahead. I don't want to watch a series, but that's the only thing I can do. I do not have many books to read yet. My house is still very empty, as if I'm making myself ready to leave again.

I stand up, eventually, and go look on my laptop, that's already five years old. I don't use it a lot. I have my phone to make my blog on and to stay in touch with people. But for emails I rather use the computer, because then I'm paying more attention to what I write. So, I look for the person who is looking for a home, and I find him easily.

I send a mail, without doubting if it's really a good plan, and turn off the computer as fast as possible. Now it's time to start cooking.

I'm really used to this life on my own. I feel mature enough to not be lazy all day and forget the important things. I always encourage myself to do something. I only watch series if I feel that it's going to be useful.

After half an hour I'm ready for dinner. I set the table for myself. I just do that to spend more time with doing little things. The details make my day. I put the cooking pot in the middle. It smells good.

In the background there's music playing. I refuse to sing along, but I'm dancing on the rhythm. I've never been perfect at it. I like it though.

I take a seat and stare at the wall. I love it to have so much quietness in my daily life. I can do what I want.

But I feel that it's time to find an interest to be occupied with during the day. I want something to do to feel loved.

Suddenly the bell rings. As a retired person I walk to the front door. There's a young boy standing there, his backpack on his shoulders. He's a few years older, tops.

I open the door, he smiles at me. I'm too shocked, that someones rings my bell, to ask why he came here. Or if there's anything he needs.

'Hello,' he tries to draw my attention, while I'm looking at the nature behind him. He waves at me as if we're standing metres apart. 'You sent me a mail.'

How fast can a person read? How fast can a person come here?

(Note: Holland isn't very good at cooking, but he's good at making ramyeon. Source: dkdktv)