If Carpets Could Rule The World (and other stories)

Justice May Be Crappy

[WARNING: Contains crap ;)]

"You mean you don't want to ditch Captain Crappy and join my side?" I clarify in my most knowledgeable tone. Why is this interrogation failing? Even strapped upside down to a torture machine, the little upstart before me - Jumping Jack- has refused to crack for the past half an hour.

How? Has the power of justice and liberty invaded this mini-hero's head? Has his precious mentor, Captain Crappy, performed voodoo on his blonde mop?

"Arhfjyk," the sidekick replies, managing to look nonchalant as I press a button and a cold burst of air invades his pants.

"Still refusing to yield, are we?" I scowl. "What value is there in sticking to Crappy's side?"

Another button, and cold water begins leaking through his suit. "You are young, and inexperienced," I sigh, "to believe in the power of justice when justice is clearly crappy. Have you not realised the naivety of your methods? Learn from me, youngling- and I- er, we- can rule the world! Do not ask me for the privilege of removing the gag," I warn as he squirms, then relent. "My button-pushing finger is at the ready."

"There's no real sides to anything," he says from his position strapped to the machine. No plea for release? No cry for mercy from the all-mighty Anti Hero? My, my. "Only my side- and the other side. And you'll need to be on mine if you want to defeat the Chieftain of Courage- because I totally want to defeat him for... um... what he did to me?"

"Boy, you know nothing about me, the art of villainy- or simple negotiation tactics. The accuser shouldn't sound like they just wet their pants." I hope he can't hear my heart race at the mention of my mortal enemy. Do not fall into the trap do not fall into the trap-

"Why would I possibly believe- oh, just go on."

And thus I have fallen.

"I know everything about his inner workings, his plans, all his secrets, and where he keeps his candy," the youngling boasts, a smug expression stretching to the base of his mask. "Plus, I can help you destroy the world and all that."

"How?" I am the Anti-Hero! Nothing and no one can falter me! I shall extract the information I require, and then find this poor boy a new profession. Perhaps something suited to his blonde-ness. Modelling?

He sighs- in defeat, I hope. "First, get me out of this... thing, okay? Then I can show you the...er... secret things need. But if I agree, you have to promise to follow my instructions to the letter- or it could get messy for you."

So pushy? Kids these days... He has a point, however. It would be least beneficial if I blew my own head off. "I will untie you," I decide. The sidekick could be a useful minion. Nothing more."Then we shall see about your plans."

"Justice really is crappy," he mumbles as I follow him from the room.

[an Aim To Engage entry]