The Lies We're Told

Prologue

Ester has been gone for almost a year now. The loving, light of my life, stripped from my arms in the blink of an eye.

My darling,

I can still hear her calling my name.

Her screams...they haunt me.

I can still see the fire.

I can still feel the heat and see her pounding on the door, begging me to save her....but I couldn't. Neither could the firefighters.

She died from all the smoke she inhaled. That's what they told me anyway. I wasn't allowed to see her body when they first pulled her out. 

They were able to put the fire out before she was burned to a crisp. We still had to have a closed casket funeral.

I remember seeing her only two hours before the fire. She was still as beautiful as the day I met her. Smiling, dancing to the radio, happy. 

If only I would have stayed home like she asked me to. I should have taken off work, we could have gone on that picnic. She wouldn't have been in the house when it happened. I could have saved her and then she'd still be here. She'd still be here with me, goddamnit...

I miss her so much.

I can't live without her.

I can't live without her.

I can't .

I can't.

I can't....

But I have to. If I did it, her spirit would never forgive me. She wouldn't wanna see me in the afterlife. She's watching me. She always said that when she died, as long as she was able to watch over me, she'd be content.  Neither of us thought it would be this soon though, so I know she is. She can hear everything I say and think.

I love you.

I love you, I miss you. I wanna be with you again. But I'm not gonna hurt myself. You know that.

I think to myself as I rewatch her favorite movie for the millionth time. I get so sick of it but if I stop watching it, the thoughts get worse. I just need something to remind me of her sitting here next to me. Just until I fall asleep.

Then tomorrow starts. And we'll do it all over again.

And the next day.

And the next day.

Without Ester.