Searching for never

10

We made it back to school about 10 minutes late for 5th period. When my teacher asked why I was late I loudly stated that it was due to "explosive diarrhea." My teacher asked no further questions and I sat down and zoned out the whole class period.

My name is Dana. I want to major in art next year when I go off to Berkeley. But, other than that I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I'm scared all the time now without Violet to distract me from my own life and issues. I know that I really enjoy Carter's presence, but I can't ever tell him how much  I enjoy it. I have a rep to uphold.

I made it through the rest of my classes that day and was heading to my car in the student parking lot when a face I haven't seen in years appeared next to my car.

My dad.

We made eye contact. I froze. He raised his hand to wave me down. I was still frozen. He took a step forward to head my way. I turned around instantly and started to head back into the building. As I was about to walk back through the front doors of the school, Carter walked out and asked where I was going.

I had no time to explain, so I just grabbed his arm and yanked him along with me back into the building.

"Dana, where are we going? Why are we going back into school? We were just set free!"

I stopped walking as we made it into the cafeteria and turned to him, "Carter. I'm not going to give you my backstory but my dad is outside standing by my car and I really, really don't want to see him. Can you pull your car around to the back of the building and let me hop in?"

Carter just looked at me for a moment and said, "go out the back gym doors. I'll pull around."

Then he just turned around and headed back towards the front doors of the school to grab his shit-on-wheels Toyota.

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"You know how much I love you right my sweet girl?" My dad asked.

"Of course, but why do you have to go? If you love me why are you leaving?"

My dad smiled softly and answered, "Because Dana, as much as I love you with my heart, I don't belong here, in this house, in this city."

And with that, my dad walked out the front door of the condo we had been living in. He didn't look back; he didn't pause; he didn't cry.

I was 10, and my dad was leaving. My mom was at work, my brother was at the daycare at her job. I was alone. I had just gotten off the school bus and walked in the condo when I found my dad with his bags all packed, ready to leave. I don't think he meant for me to find him, but my presence certainly didn't deter him.

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I walked out of the gym doors and heard a loud, grumbling engine and knew my savior had arrived. Carter parked and I circled his car, swung the door open and hopped in. We had to drive through the student lot still to get off campus, and when we did, I saw my dad, still standing by my car. Waiting for me. I had no idea what he wanted or why he decided to show up after 7 years of absence. But he was there, in the flesh.

Carter and I rode silently for 15 minutes until he pulled into a chick-fil-a drive through.

"What do you want?"

"Carter I don't have my wallet on me I left it in my locker," I said.

"That doesn't answer my question at all Dana. What do you want?"

"I'm not letting you buy me food."

He sighed and said, "Okay then I'm getting you nuggets regardless of whether that's what you wanted or not."

"Carter-"

"Dana, let me do this. Please." He looked at me with an emotion on his face that I couldn't quite read. I just nodded and silence once again fell over us. We made it through the drive-thru with each of our meals. He parked and we sat in his car to eat. Still silent.

As I went to take a sip of my water Carter put his hand on my shoulder and then pulled me in for a hug. I cried. Again. Twice in one day is a record for me.

He pulled away and said, "I don't know the story with you and your dad, but my mom has spent the last 5 years of my life in and out of jail. I haven't seen her in 2 years and I definitely wouldn't appreciate it if she showed up to my school unannounced. I'm sorry Dana, for everything that's hurting you right now."

I dried my tears and smiled softly before saying, "Thank you, but you don't need to say sorry. You have nothing to do with any of my pain. My dad left 7 years ago, haven't seen him since. I don't know why he's back. I'm sorry about your mom Carter."

To my surprise he chuckled lightly and whispered, "No need to be sorry hot stuff."

That comment earned him a punch in the arm, but did garner a laugh from me. Even though I was in no mental state to have feelings for Carter, his flirting wasn't annoying me the way it had at first. The guy was growing on me I guess. He felt safe. Foreign, but safe.

We finished our food and he offered to drive back by the school to see if my dad was gone. He said that if my dad hadn't left he could just take me home and bring me to school tomorrow morning and we could just leave my car in the lot overnight. I agreed, and we headed out of the chick-fil-a parking lot, and started driving towards the one I'd just escaped James Bond style.

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Thanks for reading! Another update coming soon!

-Chloe