To Love Somebody

22. solivagant

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solivagant - wandering alone

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Misha placed three cans of black beans in the shopping cart. Her cart was fairly empty for she had already gone grocery shopping the weekend before. 

Asha was with Zander for the evening. And ever since their argument a few days ago, she had avoided him.

Tonight, when Zander had come over, Misha made an excuse about needing some items for dinner. She just needed to get away from Zander. And so she had rushed out of the house.

He claimed he wanted her back. That he was going to do whatever it would take to win her back.

A part of her wanted him to do just that. Yet, another part of her was frozen. It was ice cold.

He had cheated. And those few words, kept repeating. She couldn't push them aside or try to ignore them.

Because all she could think about was him and Natalie. Together. She wondered if he told Natalie that he loved her and wanted her. Just like how he used to do the same with Misha. Or if he'd lean in and teasingly brush his lips against Natalie's ear. Just like how he used to do the same with Misha.

And it was those little things that made Misha sure that she'd never be able to forgive Zander.

Even if she did love him. Maybe even if she always loved him. She'd never be able to get over the fact that he had cheated. He had turned to another woman while he was with her.

And that was something she couldn't overlook.

Still, he knew just what to say and do to convince her otherwise. And that was the problem because she didn't know how to unlove him. She was afraid that she always would.

Misha felt as though she had spent the last few months running around in circles. She was still running. 

From Zander. From her failed marriage. From herself. 

Misha blinked as she saw someone familiar. It was certainly her.

She turned around frantically, just to make sure it was indeed her. 

Before Misha could help it, she pushed her cart forward. She didn't want a confrontation. She didn't even want to talk to that woman.

But Misha couldn't help herself. She just couldn't.

"Natalie." Misha let out a dry laugh as Natalie looked up, her eyes flashing with recognition.

"How nice to finally meet you!" Misha sniggered. Her hands tightened on the handle of the shopping cart. She couldn't control the anger, the hate she felt towards the woman who had been a catalyst in ruining her marriage. 

"Don't you have anything to say?" Misha asked. Maybe it was because of Zander's confession. Or maybe because Misha was afraid that she would end up forgiving Zander.

But Misha just wanted a reason. A reason for why Zander had cheated. A reason for why he had left her. A reason, any reason, as to why he had broken her heart.

"What do you want me to say?" Natalie carelessly picked up a packet of spaghetti and placed it into her shopping cart.

"I heard Spencer's conducting an internal investigation about potential contract violations by some employees." Misha pretended to be confused. "Something about office affairs."

"Shame." Misha shook her head pitifully. "But it's good right? He's holding his employees to a high moral standard."

Misha was colored with bitterness now. She couldn't ignore the dull ache in her chest as she thought of how easily Zander had pushed her aside. She couldn't ignore how empty her finger felt without Zander's ring. She couldn't ignore how fragile her marriage had been because Zander left as though she meant absolutely nothing.

"What did you get out of this?" Misha smirked, noticing Natalie's discomfort. "You ruined my marriage. And your career too. I heard that at the very least, you're going to be fired."

"And Zander?" Natalie gritted and quickly interrupted Misha. "He left you once. Now you're ready to accept him again. But can you say for certain that he's going to stay this time around?"

"He was married." Misha took a step closer to Natalie. "Yet you just couldn't stop."

Her voice was much softer now. "Why?"

"That's all I want to know." Misha's lip quivered as she repeated her words. She glanced at Natalie who stood frozen. "You...you could've picked anyone, someone else. Was it money, looks, power? You...why did you take him from me? We...we were happy together."

"And he loved me." Misha whispered.

Misha stood still for a few seconds, thinking that Natalie would answer. When she didn't, Misha pushed her cart forward. She refused to let Natalie see her cry.

"Do you really think I didn't try?" Natalie acknowledged. "I tried. I really did."

She watched as Misha turned around to face her.

"But something, there's something about Zander. I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him. At first, I just wanted him to notice me. You were the only thing he ever talked about."

Natalie bitterly admitted. "But I couldn't help myself. He was so caring and thoughtful and...I fell in love."

She bit down her lip, diverting her gaze away from Misha. Natalie looked around, the grocery aisle of pasta dishes.

"But then he finally noticed me. He confided how he was so stressed for the case, how he really wanted to be a partner and that he wasn't ready for a baby yet."

"I never thought that he would leave you. I don't know myself but I guess he just snapped. But Misha, the truth is he never really left you. You're still all he talks and cares about."

Natalie watched as Misha shook her head, refusing to believe her.

"You're all he's ever wanted Misha. It was never me." Because that was what Natalie believed. As much as she loved Zander, she knew he didn't love her. "I was just a distraction."

"Misha, you're the one he's always loved." 

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Decemver 21, 2019 2:27 PM

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next chapter - 431 votes

Sorry for posting this so late :/ I've been sick but I'm better now :)) 

It's also a bit rushed and short :/ just wanted to post something :))