And Then You Found Me

Swing

Swinging. I remember swinging somewhere. I can't quite remember where only that it was peaceful where I swung. I remember being there because I was tired? I think. I can't remember what made me tired just that I wouldn't need to do it anymore.

My arms were stiff from the activity so I used my legs instead to help me swing. A quick kick and I was off. The air lightly shifted over my face and tugged at my braid softly.

I think I remember the quiet singing of birds. It was a bit muffled but they were most likely a fair distance away.

I blinked and I momentarily saw a wooden chair before the feeling of swinging lulled me back in. I looked around but nothing had changed aside from where I swung. I could faintly see the outline of what looked to be a tree but everything was blurry.

Another breeze blew over me and i swung just a bit more. My hands sat in my lap and my braid sat on my shoulder.

I blinked once more and an image of two people fighting flashed suddenly before the tweeting of birds began again.

What was happening? What was that? Who was that? A thought dawned on me, 'who was I?'

Shushing drew my attention and two hands softly pushed me. My mind returned to a haze as I focused on the song the birds were singing once more. 'Did it matter who I was?'

Another flash and a bottle of pills took over. I gasped and sat forward more. The birds singing stopped or seemed interrupted before they started back up again. The peace of the scenery was broken as my mind destroyed the peaceful haze.

I needed to get home. My mom will wonder where I am.

More shushing came from behind me as two hands softly held my head with care.

"What home? Your home is here." I felt my eyes close as I fell back into the peace.

Was I home? I thought about it hard, eyes scrunching together when another flash occurred.

A drop of blood splattering on a sink counter happened in slow motion before I opened my eyes again. I was no longer swinging but was standing in a small house. Everything was dark aside from the light coming through the windows from outside.  The soft chirping of birds sounded outside.

I looked around the living room and felt a sense of familiarity. "Mom?" I called out and heard no response. "Mom!?" I called louder and started to look for her. The floorboards of our old house creaked underfoot as I went through the kitchen, the pantry, and called down into the basement.

I looked up the stairs and felt so much fear of the dark stairwell. I hadn't feared the dark since I was five so I couldn't figure out why I didn't want to ascend.

I pushed through my natural instinct and took the first step. The step screamed under my weight and I worried it would shatter but found as I took another, the step could hold me. Each step I took filled me with dread.
When I reached the top I felt overflowing with dread.

"Mom?" I questioned and I felt so small as I approached the cracked bathroom door. I pushed it open and found her collapsed on the floor. Blood covered the bathroom sink and pooled around her wrist where three deep cuts seemed to sever the appendage.

Oh that's right. Your not with me anymore. My tiny arm fell limply to my side as I remembered the events leading up to this.

The abuse. The divorce. The sorrow. The hospital visits. Death.

The tweeting of birds had me turning around to only be swinging again. Unlike the dreary memories of shadows, the trees around me were bright and lively with stunning greens and joyful, yellow, sunlight beams.

Gentle hands pushed me again, "did you remember?" The voice asked and I shook my head. "Look again."

The scenery changed once more back to the house. It was nighttime as shadows and monster loomed outside my window. Stars shinned and swirled on the ceiling of my room as I sat up in bed. My tiny feet softly touched the frozen floorboards as I held an old stuffed cow to my chest. I pulled my cracked door open further and heard a moan of protest from the hinges.

A growl rumbled near the staircase and the steps hissed as I descended quietly. Shadows danced along the walls and followed me as ever lurking predators. I stopped with only a few steps left to go and watched the predator and the prey. A large white wolf with large fangs and jagged fur. A small lamb with cottenball dreams patched onto it. The wolf cornered the sheep with an open maw. It lashed out and bit the lambs leg. I gasped as all the lamb did was shudder. The wolf turned to me, eyes gleaming a dark yellow. I turned and ran up the stairs, each step thundering lounder than the last as the shadows danced around my feet and grabbed at my hair. I slammed the door close and jumped into my bed. I hid under my covers and held my breath as the door creaked open and a low growl rumbled in the room. I watched as the wolf's shadow prowled next to my bed before the covers were pulled back and once more I was swinging in the brightly lit forest. A stuffed cow now in my hands.

The hands covered my ears and the voice whispered in my ear, "do you remember now?"

I shook my head and the hands were pulled away to reveal a dark room with bright strobe lights flashing about. Shadows weaved their ways between each other and danced to the slow thumping of music.

I stood near the back and held a cup of black liquid in hand. Muffled cries and laughter echoed around me as I looked for something. A flash of gold had my head followed a shadow. My feet carried me forward and I attempted to follow it but became lost in the crowd.

They pushed and shoved, laughter echoing in my ear in a mocking way. I finally managed to get back towards the edge and looked around. The flash of yellow appeared again but this time I kept to the edge and watched it enter a door.

With determination I shoved the shadows away and ramed my way through the crowd. It still took a little long as they wished back but I eventually made it to the door. A single light shown through a crack and I pushed it open.

The dripping of the sink faucet was the only thing I could hear in the silent room. Outside the door the thumping of the music was getting louder and faster. It increased with every step before stopping as I stopped in front of the last stall. It wasn't locked but was still pushed close. I knew then what was on the other side and tentatively pushed it. My feet kicked the empty bottle of alcohol and it rolled to tap the spilled bottle of pills. A handful laid in the person's hand as they laid limply of the floor.

Angela. Her blonde hair was a mess all over the floor and her brown eyes stared blankly ahead without a speck of life. I looked down at the cup of black liquid in my hands. I thought it had been the lighting but now I knew it was ink. Angela had been studying to major in writing. I tilted the cup, watching the liquid slosh before throwing it back.

I began to swing again. The figure grasped my arms and whispered, "Just once more."  I closed my eyes and open them to be in another forest. Branches snapped and cracked under foot and the colored leaves of autumn rustled in a small breeze.

I carried some boards and a rope and approached a small tree house. A tattered blanket covered it's only window as the wall sported mushrooms. It wasn't the house I was there for however as I focused on an old chair. It was old and molded with the wood looking as easy as wet paper to tear. I placed the boards on the seat precariously and began to climb the old ladder.

Instead of entering the old house however I climbed out onto the branch it sat on and tied a knot in the rope. Slowly I descended and tied another knot at the end.

Oh that's right. My swinging slowed and I watched in a muted silence the chair break. Her body swung from a braided circle, short black hair ruffling in the winds fingers.

"I'm gone." I spoke and heard no reply. I didn't expect I would either as the trees slowly faded away into the nothingness.