Belle Stone

Part 27

Everything went back to normal. Almost normal. There was one thing that was still different. Belle's voice. She became very self-aware of it. Weeks passed by without any improvement. The sessions with the psychologist made no progress. Belle didn't get rid of her insecurities. It wasn't that bad. She was just quieter than before. It could have been a lot worse and Mark knew that but he just missed her normal voice. He missed her asking him questions about everything. He missed the old Belle but he didn't complain. She was happy and healthy that is all that mattered.

After the sessions finish Belle would always go to her room. She would shut her eyes tightly until her mind takes her to her mother. She would tell her about the woman Monica, about their talks, about her dad, just about everything that went on in her life. Her mum would try to talk her into talking to the psychologist about what happened but Belle would just say that she isn't ready. She enjoyed making small talk with the doctor but she knew that one day she will have to tell her how she feels. They can't continue paying Monica to just talk to her.

That day came earlier than anyone expected. Just as always Monica came in and they greeted each other like they normally do. After a few moments of talking, she asked Belle if she wanted to talk about her shutting down. She expected Belle to say no like she usually does and then they continue talking about other stuff. That wasn't as efficient with Belle's recovery but it helped. Monica was getting to know Belle as a person, her emotions, and thoughts which can lead her to have a better understanding of Belle's actions.

This time it was different. Belle said yes. A reluctant but confident yes. Monica was surprised. She thought it was never going to happen. It took her a few seconds to process the words she heard come out of the timid girl's mouth. Monica stared at her intently.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I am ready."
Belle did a shy smile. The look on her doctor's face amused her.
"Okay then... Go ahead."
Monica motioned with her hand for Belle to proceed before reaching for her pen.

Belle told her everything. From the way she felt reading the letter to what she saw after reading it. Everything that the doctor wanted to know. Even before this story, Monica had a feeling that Belle was blaming herself. The voice. She thinks her voice is her weapon so she tries to control it. That was obvious from the start but you can never be sure when it comes to the human mind. Monica kept asking Belle why she thought it was her fault. Does she think that her screaming was a conscious act? Does she think that she did that on purpose and could she control it back then? All to which Belle answered with no but that doesn't take away the blame from her. Even though it wasn't conscious it was done. Many people killed unconsciously but that doesn't make it any better, they are still killers. The psychologist then asked her if she did anything physical to her, hurt her in an attempt of murder. Belle answered negatively but she still had something to say back.
"You don't have to actually kill somebody to be their killer. You can also drive them to kill themselves which makes you a killer by default."

"How do you know that you are the one who drove Annabelle to kill herself."
"Well, I don't. She killed herself because she didn't want to kill me. Doesn't that make me the reason for her death?"
"No that makes your death the consequence of her life. You had no impact on her death in that way."
Belle was confused. She thought that was the same thing. She tilted her head slightly as her eyes roamed around the room.
"Listen, if someone wants to save other people from themselves they are not committing suicide because of those people but because of themselves. Her desire to kill you is the reason for her death, not you." "But she wouldn't have the desire to kill me if she didn't take those pills and she wouldn't take those pills if I hadn't screamed."
"How do you know that would happen?"
"Because she overdosed because I didn't stop screaming and damaged her brain so bad that she attempted to kill me."
"That is not what I asked. You told me that. How do you know she wouldn't take pills if you hadn't screamed?"
"Well, she wouldn't have a reason to take them."
"But you can't know that for sure. Maybe something else could have happened and she would need pills to cope with it."