Adjective: Unwanted; not or no longer desired.
It happened so quick, I didn't have time to think. It happened so fast, I couldn't hold it in anymore. So I let it all out. Here's what happened.
Text Message
Me: I don't understand why I still fucking love you, but I guess I do.
Ricky: I don't care.
Ricky: I found someone better.
Me: It doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, you will not and cannot hurt me. If i could get over you, trust me I would. I can't. You can try all you want to hurt me, but you will never. I still love you and I've held on for so long. That's love. Try to hurt me, but I love you too much to let you hurt me.
Me: You try so hard to be tough. You try so hard to be strong. You try so hard to cover up all of the flaws you have. You try so fucking hard to move onto another girl to feel love because you feel as if you are inadequate and you need more love. You try so damn hard to hide your sadness. I see it in your eyes. I could see it. Don't even try deny it. Don't lie. I saw it. I saw you cry. I heard you cry. I held you up when you couldn't hold the weight alone. You carried me to safety when I couldn't get myself there. You saved me from the pain. You try so goddamn hard to forget all the pain you've been through. You try and try and try and most girls, believe it all. They believe you are flawless when you are not. Almost all the girls see you as perfect. I don't. I could see right through it, and that's the kind of person who will truly help and love you. I saw you in your most vulnerable moments. You try to act like you can hold the weight of the world when you cannot. It takes two. You tried so fucking hard to be someone you are not. I love you for you. For the flawed, hilarious, broken, loving, smart, scared, kind, vulnerable, emotional, handsome, and forgiving Ricky. That's the Ricky I met and fell in love with. That is the Ricky I love. This mean, revengeful Ricky isn't you. Don't say it is you because I know damn well it isn't. Ever since we broke up, the real Ricky has gone away. I want you back as well as others do. I miss you. I miss that Ricky because no matter what, I love you and that will never change. That's all I have wanted to say. I have just wanted to tell you I love you like I did when we were together. I have been dying to tell you I love you. I love you, Ricky.
Sometimes, love is too strong. Sometimes, it can be repaired. Sometimes, love can be deadly. Sometimes, it can be beautiful. Sometimes, love can be this. Painfully beautiful. We dated for months and he said I love you. He said I was his everything. Then, he decided he didn't want o deal with me and my problems. That's what he said. Sometimes, love can be a war.
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Hear My Truth
No FicciónThis is the story of my life. All my flaws. All the pain and struggles I faced. I suffer from severe major depressive disorder, severe reactive attachment disorder, moderate social anxiety, and unspecified trauma. I can't control these things. I go...
