Inside the Quiet Ones Mind

A Dream

I had a dream.
Weird one at that.
It involved a friend of mine who passed away when I was 10, and we somehow were together? I don't know...he was my best friend, but his surgery went wrong and he choked on his own blood, that's how he was taken out of this world.
He was too good and pure for this place anyways.
I really do think one part of me died when he left this world - my innocence. My childhood innocence.
Seeing him in the open casket for the viewing was scary, I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. My best friend was laying in there, and despite being dead, he seemed at peace. I don't know where he is now, wherever that peaceful and happy place he's at, he deserves to be there.
When he showed up in my dream, he was in a different form, and telling me things were gonna be alright. He and I were dating, everyone approved, and we both went to university together - is he telling me things will be ok?
It's taken me almost 8 years now to process his death fully, and if it's really him telling me things are going to be fine, then I'll trust my dream.
But when I woke up, I woke up slightly surprised and mostly confused.

Because it was just a dream.

He's dead. I won't find love. My best friend died, and nothing can bring him back. And my struggle in university will always be there.
You know, I'm crying, I just miss him is all. I miss how pure I used to be. Why'd he have to die? He didn't deserve that, not in that way. He deserved to live, if god took him from me, whatever took him away from me, it should have taken me instead of him.
You should have taken me instead of that pure boy. Because he didn't deserve to die. I did.