"Have you ever felt a potential love for someone? You know, like you don't actually love them and you know you don't, but you know you could. You realize that you could easily fall in love with them. It's almost like the bud of flower, ready to blossom but it's not quite there yet. And you like them a lot, you really do. You think about them often, but you don't love them. You could though, you know you could." Someone asked me this question and memories started to come back.
"I like him. I like, like him." He was courting me for more than a year from now. He said that courting me was like reaching for the stars from up above.
"Why would you allow me to court you if you know that I don't have a chance to win your heart? Tell me why you don't want to be committed with me. I am not like those guys who ought to say that they would never hurt nor leave you." He said.
"I don't know how to say this to you. The truth is I LIKE YOU. Yes, I do. But it's just that the problem is not you, it's me. I used to grow up with a broken family. Do you know how it feels like when I'm seeing my mother cry everyday of her life? That feeling I get from seeing her being hurt sucks! My father used to say "I'll never leave you because I love you and your mom." but look at what happened. Promises we're really meant to be broken. He left us with a broken family, broken promise and a broken heart. That's the reason why I am afraid to fall for you. And in addition to that I don't also want to experience those terrible happenings that my mom underwent. You know, like to be left behind by someone you treasured and loved."
"I'm not being propitious about being perfect for you. You know what? I will do anything just to have you. I've seen the worst parts of you but those worst parts of you make me love you even more." He uttered these words to me.
He left me speechless.
You can ask the universe for all the signs that you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we're ready to see it. And I'm not ready to see myself falling in love for someone when I know that in the end he'll also be gone.
Thoughts came into my mind. I would love to love him. He is sweet, caring and he would never leave me, I guess. If only I give him a chance. Days had passed I never talkes to him. I received e-mails, text messages, facebook messages and I even got calls from him but still, I don't have the guts to talk to him. How I wish I could tell him that I can love him back, I've realized that I could easily fall for him. I think about him often but it's just that I don't love him but I know I could. Maybe I'm like this because the past experiences of my mother had affected the way I thought of how my love story would be.
"It's a waste of time to think about things you can't know, and things you can't confirm even if you know them." These quotation best describes what I'm thinking right now, at this very moment. I can't confirm what I'm feeling right now for Dan. I can't know if it's right for us to be like this, just friends or is it wrong for us? Because we both know that in the end we'll just end up being strangers in case we broke up.
Weeks and months had passed, still I never talked to him or even felt his physical presence. Haven't read his messages because I thought that what I'm feeling for him will later on vanish but I was wrong, instead of forgetting him and making the feelings fade, it got worse.
For few days of having an epiphany, I already have the answer to the questions that were buried deeply within my mind. I can love him but I can't. The answer to my problem was easy. I would just tell him that there's no probability of us being together, like TOGETHER. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text message saying "Let's meet tonight, 7:00 pm at Le Cafe Curieux. I'll see you!" He then responded "Okay, I'll see you"
I took a bath, put on my make-up, fixed my hair and got dressed. And as I got there I can say that I'm being overwrought. I saw him sitting tight like he's been pinned down to the chair he's sitting. He was funny though. I headed to the table where he is.
"Hi, you look gorgeous. Here have a seat." He said and I just faked a smile.
"Thanks Dan. I know that it has been a while since we last talked. To make things clear this is not a date. Let's not make this take any longer, I texted you because..."
"Go on I'm listening."
"It's just that I can't love you. I know that I can but I really don't want to ruin things because of temporary feelings, Friendship lasts, relationships don't. Let's just be friends."
He fondled my hands. I can say that he's holding his tears but still it fell from his eyes and rolled over his cheeks. I can feel his pain. Tears also feel from mine. All I did was kiss him in the cheek and uttered him goodbye.
As I drove my car I still can't stop myself from crying, thinking if what I've done was right. But what can I do? I don't want to believe in those FOREVERS AND HAPPY EVER AFTERS. "Maybe this was the right thing to do, MAYBE." I said to myself. That was the last time I saw him. And that moment makes me sad in reminiscence.
8 months from that day I just gleaned a news that he had already went to New York. "I planted my own garden and decorated my own soul by choosing the best thing to do to resist the love that he gave me." I know that I've lost the Moon while counting the stars but then I am thankful to God that he had given me a chance to be loved by someone who is nice, I know that the best is yet to come for me. I have learned that love can really wait and it shouldn't be rushed. "Faith in God includes faith in his timing."
*End of the memory's reminiscence.*
"Yes, I already felt a potential love for someone. Someone who is unforgettable. Someone Special. I smiled and answered.
A/N: Sorry po sa mga wrong grammar. First time ko to. Sana po naappreciate nyo. Love you. Mwa
