Requested by DevilsSkull Hope you enjoy!! I decided to make it part 2 of Not Your Fault. I wrote this listening to Boadicea by Enya and Demons by Imagine Dragons.
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"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes...they win."
--Stephan King
Kakashi x Reader
Reader POV
Smoke. That's the only thing I can see. It fills the air heavily, choking off my oxygen as I desperately try to find my team. Find anyone in the cloudy chaos as a multitude of voices echo through it.
The heat surrounds me like a cocoon, filling the air just as thickly as the smoke. There isn't a place I can turn where both aren't present, making me panic even more.
Where are they?
My breathing accelerates as the air becomes thinner, leaving me gasping for what little oxygen there is. As I wander through the smoke blindly, I trip and stumble over rubble and rocks, falling to the ground and getting more drained with each effort to pull myself up. After the fourth time I just stay on the ground, crawling on my hands and knees, too anxious to find my team to care about the scrapes, cuts and light burns as I press forward.
"Sensei? Misaki? Where are you?"
I call out pitifully, my voice raspy from all the smoke. No response. Suddenly, something crashes to the ground in front of me, and a burst of burning ash flies into my face, singeing my skin and hurting my eyes.
Now partially blind, it makes it even harder to navigate through this hell like place.
"(Y/n)..."
That's Misaki. I try to find where his weak voice is coming from, my eyes tearing up from the painful burn. When I finally find him, his body is still, and I desperately reach for him...ignoring the flames eating at my hands, shaking his unresponsive form.
"Misaki...*cough, cough.*...Misaki..."
He doesn't respond, and I keep shaking and calling to him, the tears streaming down my face no longer from the injury.
"No...no...no...please wake up...please Misaki..."
My pleas fall on deaf ears, and the sound of another voice drifts through the smoke.
"(Y/n)...(Y/n)!"
The ghostly feeling of strong arms wraps around me, the slight tug pulling me away from my fallen teammate.
"No. No, no, no..."
"(Y/n), you have to go...(Y/n)!"
The tugging becomes stronger, the invisible arms beginning to pull me away...the shroud of darkness making the scene around me slowly disappear.
No, I can't leave him...
"(Y/n)....(Y/n) wake up!"
My eyes fly open, the darkness slowly turning into a dimly lit bedroom with Kakashi's terrified face hovering above mine, his hands resting on my tear stained cheeks, I continue to pant rapidly.
"Sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay, I'm right here."
He gently pulls me up, resting my head against his chest, rubbing his hands up and down my back. I cling onto him like my life depends on it, closing my eyes and listening to his racing heart.
"Take deep breaths, nice and slow..."
I put effort into normalizing my breathing, my breaths slowing down as his heartbeat does. He continues to hold me tightly against his chest, one hand continuing the rubbing motions while the other combs through my hair.
"That's it...it's alright now."
The relief in his voice is almost palpable, and as he presses a soft kiss to the top of my head I can finally feel my previous terror slowly melt away. We remain this way for a long time, no words other than the occasional soothing words of the man who has saved me more than once as he holds me close. I honestly don't know how long we've sat like this, but it was long enough for the dark night to become early sunrise, the faint golden rays lighting the tiny apartment with its soft glow.
After I was released from the hospital, Kakashi insisted on me moving out of my apartment, and us staying together. And after a while of resisting, I finally gave in. He moved out of his tiny place along with me, and we both moved into a larger apartment together...and neither of us said anything about how he picked one that was directly across from the hospital. That was 10 months ago.
I've felt guilty for making him feel obligated to take care of me, for having to look out for me like this. I know he's doing this to make sure that the event that landed me in the hospital never happens again...even turning down missions that took him away from the village for too long. He's afraid of leaving me alone, and to be honest...I'm afraid of being alone. I don't know if I can handle being apart from him anymore...that if I was I'd hurt myself again...
It's selfish...and pathetic.
Kakashi has his own life, his own job, his own needs...who am I to get in his way? What kind of person am I to hinder his life because of my fears?
"I can almost hear your wheels turning (Y/n), what are you thinking about so hard?"
He murmurs softly, still stroking my hair. He already knows what my nightmares are about, he figured it out the first time I screamed in the middle of the night after we moved in together. So he knows that after my nightmares I rather not think about them...just as he seems to know whenever something is weighing heavily on my mind...and when I'm not being honest about my thoughts.
"That I shouldn't be interfering with your life like this."
His body turns into a statue for a split second before he pulls back to look into my eyes, a deep sadness in his gaze. His hands cup my cheeks firmly, preventing me from looking away.
"You have never, and will never be 'interfering' with my life. My life's main focus is you, and making you happy. Never forget that."
His voice is soft, but his words are fierce, determined, completely certain.
"Why? Why would you bother looking after me when you could be with someone who isn't so...damaged?"
My right hand instinctively goes to the black, elbow length fingerless gloves covering the long healed cuts on my arms, rubbing the faint scars through the smooth fabric. I haven't cut open my skin since the incident, but the first couple of months afterward were when I had the most temptation to do so...especially after the bandages came off for good. He had noticed that I tended to touch the injuries when I was stressed, and after pulling a knife out of my hand more than twice, he bought the gloves for me, hoping that the wounds being out of sight would mean out of mind. And they've helped a lot.
"(Y/n)...I've wanted to be with you long before I knew that you were suffering. I've wanted to be one of the people who could make you smile, laugh...blush. Your scars don't change that, only make my desire to bring you happiness even stronger."
He brings one of my hands to his lips, brushing over the knuckles softly.
"We all have our demons, and I'll be damned if I let you fight yours alone anymore."
He drops my hand to his lap, and presses his forehead to mine, his mouth faintly skimming over mine as our noses touch.
"I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, because there is no place I'd rather be."
We remain like this as the sun continues to rise, the light chasing away the shadows as Kakashi's words help chase away the fear in my heart.
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😭😭😭😭 I apologize for any dampness, I cried while writing this one. Hope you enjoyed, please remember to follow and vote.
