The tale of being famous ON HOLD (Jamie Campbell Bower)

Chapter 10

I woke up because I felt like falling down a cliff and nearly had a heart attack. I nearly had another one when I looked at the clock on Jamie's nightstand. It was half one pm. Shit. I literally jumped out of bed and raced into the living room where I remembered to have seen my phone the last time yesterday. And luckily it still was there, laying beween empty crisp packs and dropped beer bottles. I hastily grabbed it and turned on the lockscreen. Two drunk messages from Tom, one from Jamila asking me to bring bread on my way home. And NO FUCKING MESSAGES FROM GUS.
All the worries Jamie had somehow managed to supress with the help of alcohol, pancakes and his really comfortable bed were back again. A lump filled my throat and my stomach started to ache. I quickly grabbed the corner of the table.
Oh no. Not now. I breathed in deeply for a few times and tried to concentrate on clearing my head but I still could feel my blood rush through my ears. I used to have those kind of attacks a lot when I was younger. I wouldn't exactly call them panic attacks because they weren't like that. They were strange and different and made me feel like I was going crazy. I had learned to control them but sometimes when I was really scared of something they still came back. And there was nothing I was more afraid of than losing Gus.
Why did he just leave? Why didn't he call me? Or even text me? Something was awfully wrong but I didn't know what and this made my breath go unsteady and my hands shake.
I knew I had to calm down because if I didn't it wouldn't get me anywhere but I simply couldn't, the worries overflowing me like a flood. There was no other way to stop it but to do the one thing I had sworn never to do ever again a long time ago. But this wasn't about keeping promises, this was about making sure that the most important person in my life was okay, so I whinced and put my lips softly onto my wrist.
Then I closed my teeth around the soft spot of flesh and bit. I drove my teeth into my flesh further and further until the stinging pain covered all the worries and lumps and shakyness. I only stopped when I could taste blood in my mouth and I looked up, a new bite mark coverinig the old scars. It felt wrong, so wrong. So I looked away and quickly hurried into the kitchen, suddenly thinking very clear and having a plan mapped out in my head.
Sam and Adam scooted away from the sink they had stood in fron of and quickly turned into opposite corners with flushed cheeks, Sam pretending to pour himself a glass of water and my brother pretending to look for something in the fridge. Something was awfully wrong here, too, but I didn't have any time to bother.
Instead, I snatched the glass from Sam's hand, not caring about his protest and gulping it down quickly. "Have you heard anything from either Gus or Marya?" I asked, slamming the glass back into his hands.
"Urm... no...?" he answered me in a confused tone. I just nodded. "Fuck."
I raced back to Jamie's room and nearly slammed into him when he came out of the bathroom. He looked hungover.
"Whoa there! Where are you going?" he asked when he had found his balance again by grabbing my shoulder.
"Gus still isn't back and he didn't text me or anything. I have no fucking idea where he is." My voice was filled with concern and Jamie's eyes went wide, he understood how I felt. "Shit." he said, just like me earlier. "So, what's the plan?" he asked.
"I'll take the underground home and if he's not there I'll look at his place and if he's not there... I don't know..." I scooted my hand through my hair in a stressed manner. "I'll search every inch of London until I've found him."
Jamie looked at me for a split second and then he said "Go get dressed, you're not taking the underground. I'll drive you." already taking his car keys from the board in the corridor.
"But what about rest-alcohol?" I asked him.
"Who the fuck cares?" he asked and pushed me into his room. "Now get dressed." He wasn't harsh or anything, he just made clear that I had to hurry up because we had to find Gus as quickly as possible.
I ended up borrowing a top of his where he had cut off the arms so it had slits down to the waist on each side. I think it was a somewhat expensive brand but I didn't care to ask. It was warm enough to wear it without a jacket (finally). So we rushed out of the flat with Sam and Adam wishing us good luck approximately three minutes after I had bumped into Jamie. I didn't bother with makeup or brushing my hair, even my shoes weren't tied up when I slit into the passenger seat of Jamie's Jaguar.
I couldn't help but recognize the cool dark leather on my skin and how the engine started to purr. Well, this car was something else. We made it through the traffic in Soho faster than I ever had but I don't think it was a matter of the car yet merely the fact that Jamie ignored more than just a few red lights and speed limits.
When I carefully indicated that to him he just shrugged, stating he "was famous and allowed to do so if necessary" while running over another dark yellow light.
All in all we only needed fifteen minutes to my flat and after I had managed to fumble out my keys we both bolted up the stairs and practically crashed into one room after another. There was no sign of Gus whatsoever. Only a sleepy Jamila that complained about us waking her up "so early". It was nearly two in the afternoon...
Jamie and I didn't really bother with any kind of apology or explanation and just ran down the stairs again, back into his car. It was then that the worries I had supressed came back with all their force, making me ramble with fear. "Fuck, Jamie. He's not here. What if he's not at his flat? I mean, what if something happened to him? A shitload of things can happen to you in London. What if he's hurt? What if we don't find him? What if they opiated him and stole his organs? WHAT IF HE'S..." I couldn't bring myself to actually say that particular thought out loud. "Oh shit. Fuck fuck fuck. Jamie, fuck. No." I felt tears spill down my cheeks and I didn't realize that I had punched the car's glove compartment in front of me until Jamie grabbed my wrists and forced me to look at him. "Shsh, Scar." he tried to calm me down but I could see in the stormy blue of his eyes that he was worried himself. "Just... calm down. It's gonna be okay." I knew he was lying and he knew it, too, so I slowly started to shake my head. He didn't say anything for a long time and I simply couldn't and then I started shaking again. Fuck.
"Shh, it's gonna be okay." he said again and I shook my head even more but he grabbed me and pulled me against his warm chest, one hand cupping the back of my head so my chin rested on his shoulder and I couldn't shake it anymore.
"No it's not." I mumbled into his hair. "I'm so fucking afraid, Jamie."
"I know, I know." he spoke softly against my ear. "But we're gonna find him, okay? I promise. And I'll do everything I can and more to make sure he's okay. I promise." I just nodded, not being able to do anything but cry and soak up Jamie's safety.