"And now a few words from Tyler-Jordan Renner, as requested."
TJ stood up from the front pew. He squeezed his eyes shut and shakily dabbed his eyes with a tissue. Alyssa Kraemer, seated directly to his left, grabbed his hand and kissed it in an almost mother-like gesture. TJ took his spot at the podium and slouched against it, using the mahogany slab as leverage. Looking as if he were about to collapse, he grabbed the front of it with both hands, his knuckles turning white.
"I'm sure you can all tell that I did not come prepared to talk at this thing... I guess I'm just not prepared for Maizey to be gone, and probably won't ever be. Well, here we go. Maizey Anne was not my friend. She deserves a better title than that. But, I wouldn't call her my sister either, because no one really loves their sister like a person could love Maizey.."
He wiped at his eyes.
"I'm not going to stand up here either, and talk about how great of a person she is- WAS- and how strong she was. And tell everyone what they want to hear. I promised myself I would not lie."
He closed his eyes and bit his lip. TJ may not be ready for all this, but he is ready to pour out everything, for every man, woman, and child to see.
"Maizey Anne was fucked up."
There were three reactions from the nearly full funeral home; disgust and shock, disbelief shown with shaking heads, and melancholy agreements and tears, shown with nods.
"And every single one of you is to blame. You're probably sitting there saying 'I didn't do anything to Maizey. She loved me. We were so close!' But it is true. I am even to blame, no matter how much I helped that girl get ahold of herself."
"That's complete bullshit!" Maizey's grandfather shouted from the first pew in the other column. Ignoring his remark, TJ continued his speech.
"And as I try to stand here, I will not try to bring you down, telling you of how depressed and terrible Maizey was. And I will not try to uplift you in your sorrows, because nothing can make this situation any better. But I will say, that although sad, Maizey Anne was beautiful. Beyond beautiful."
"Damn right she was!!" Maizey's grandfather shouted again.
TJ continued.
"Her eyes... They were this everchanging crazy mixture of green and brown," He smiled and looked towards the ceiling, trying to take a deep breath.
"Sometimes more green than brown, sometimes more brown than green, and sometimes they were equally put together in a swirl of ambery emerald."
TJ sighed in exasperation.
"I always liked them the most when she was filled with pure joy... You know why? Becuase they changed to this shade of pure dark forest-like green, with little flecks of...Gold, I guess is what you would call it. Practically indescribable. It was an uncommon sight; her being that happy, but oh how I could stare at them for hours at a time."
His eyes brimming with more tears, he took a shaky breath and paused. Tj glanced toward the casket from the corner of his eyes.
"What I want more than anything in the entire universe is to see them again," he sniffled and focussed back to the front, "and her hair.. Oh her hair! I've never seen such a deceitful head of hair in my entire life."
"Deceitful! My my what a big word!!"
TJ looked towards the ceiling, almost too exhausted to do a complete eye roll.
"Usually while inside, or in low-light, her amass of long curly waves, was an interesting shade of.. Let's say 'medium brown'. But... In direct sunlight it was this raging auburn! Flames licked at her hair every step of the way. The ends remind me of the tips of an explosion. Yes, I thought her hair was that cool."
The crowded memorial home chuckled. The usual thick headed, stubborn TJ was making the lot of them cry even harder than before with his love for Maizey.
"Maizey was pale. And short. And thick-boned. Maizey Anne was scared of dentists and the dark. And you can't forget about the spiders," he said chuckling.
A memory flashed in his mind. It was a time when she had called him early on a saturday morning, because she had seen a spider crawl into her bed and couldn't find it. By the time he got there, she was standing outside on the curb, just in case any more spiders were loose in the house. He found the spider on her pillow, and cupped it in his hands teasing her with it before throwing it outside.
"Maizey was the love of my life, as she was for most of you," the crowd nodded their heads. TJ choked on tears and bowed his head for a minute or two, "Maizey, I will always love you."
He stepped off the podium and bent down over Maizey's lifeless body. TJ placed a sweet kiss on her cold lips and crumbled right there. His body shuddered with sobs and everyone bowed their heads.
Her favorite songs by The XX, The Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, and such started playing. "The End of All Things" by Panic! at the Disco was the first song, making the moment even more sad. Alyssa Kraemer remembered her saying something about it being a great funeral song.
"I already miss you Maizey Anne LeAugustine."
