A Person Of A thousand Thoughts

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~~warning this might be long. ~~

so I'm going into my second semester of high school and I'm really scared. I've lost a lot of friends and i have to be in the first period with someone I miss but am honestly tired of. he was my best friend but it just kinda fell apart mainly because we started dating. I want to talk to him but the only time we talk to each other is when he's alone. which really hurts when I start to think about it, but after we broke up he got together with someone 2 days after, which also hurts but its whatever. 

we had a conversation the other day about how the reason we don't talk anymore is my fault because when we started dating it was good at first but we went into the month of October and i wasn't in a good place, mainly because it was the anniversary month my mom and brothers passed away. which really affected the whole month because I was going into high school not only without my dad but also without my mom. she wouldn't be here for anything that mattered to me and it really triggered my depression and just a lot of other things. its been a while since we broke up and I'm not explaining myself I just wanted to express it, well not really express it just talk about it.

I'm just worried about the second semester I don't know everyone whos going to be in my new classes, which is just two but still. I just want everything to be ok with my new classes. not have to deal with drama, stuck up bitches, or people I don't like but I know I'm probably going to be in class with people I hate I can just feel it lmao. but that's ok because I have my best friend that I can talk to and rant to and i know he won't judge me maybe make fun of me but I can deal with that because I know I can make fun of him as well and there will be no hard feelings.