A Letter That You'll Never Read

Letter, You Will Never Read

Dear Raymond,

Do you know how I met you? Do you know how I like you turn into love? Do you know how you destroyed me? I made a lot of excuses in order to maintain my happiness until I thought about you again.

I looked up to the blue sky to see the clouds pass by just like those years you weren't around thinking how to move on, let's pass the blindside of this story to see how I felt when you were there and next to me.

April of 2009 is when I have finally found you. You were a mysterious boy to me at the time, walking past me as I grab your arm and asked you, if you went to my school, is where it all began for us.

The following days, I found you in school, we started to talk and walk together. We talked about silly things about our day. It was just the two of us until we went on a 7th-grade trip, going to see the bell that was famous being cracked by an unknown cause. I send the whole day with you besides lunch.

After the field trip has ended, you introduce me to Alex which he became my dearest best friend even after high school. Since then, Alex, his brother, you and I went on walks to go back home. Of course, our group has gotten bigger in the last couple of months before the end of the 7th-grade year. Then Summer has entered. We have not seen each other since then we entered the 8th-grade year.

I met my friends for my high school years and the rest didn't last long, just like you. As the days pass by I ended up realizing that a lot of stuff about you which were your personality. It hurt me to see you in anger since that day which I will never mention again, not even in this letter, that's why I try to stay on your good side.

The blind side of this story just started from that day, I failed to see what was in front of me, growing up in a reckless family from everything that damaged me even having mental issues which I still struggle with and still up to this very day because I had no one to help me. I turn to cut myself because I felt a massive amount of pain which I realized that you never really found out. I end up realizing that cutting myself isn't the best option that same year in 7th grade. I feel trapped, imprisoned within my own mind and this was not in 8th-grade issue this was back in 6th-grade issues before I have known you.

I was unable to understand life, nor how the world works. I feel fake being a person, which I don't understand. I have lied my way as a person because my biggest fear is to be trapped in the Insane Asylum, I still do today. I guess I have to keep trying to learn how to be the bigger person in life.

When I loved you in 9th grade, I made a love letter, that wasn't a lie when I kiss your cheek that was not a lie nor my love for you. I treasured you deeply. That's how I felt under the pressure of being fake and not only that my state of mind. I am thankful nothing else has happened between us.

When I departed from you in 10th grade, a ray of light finally shines on me when you laughed at me saying which burned in my memories, over and over. Even up today stills hurts me. "You won't stop loving me. You'll never stop loving me." All I said was, 'I want to stop loving you.' It broke me when I talked to you again, you said. 'It's always about your problems, what about my own?'

I broke down again and when I spoke to you about my issues because I thought I had someone to lay on their shoulder as they would understand me, but you pushed back into the dark of night with the cold rain falling on me.

I stood by you until the day of my birthday on December 19, 2013, just a year of high school. I had to stop and put my phone down when I had enough of you that's when you disappeared from my life. Since you left, I felt angry and not only that hated you all at the same time, I wanted to yell at you and slap you, but you are not the issue, I was, unable to understand the world around me, nor myself which formed a journey that took me, 7 years since 11th grade, just a year later when I left you. I never truly express the deep sorrows until I met someone that was similar to you even up today, you were the greatest impact in my life that changed me, even up to now this very moment to understand people and how they feel because you told me, 'what about my own problems.'

As a person that I am today, I continue to say, 'you think to understand everything will be somehow a matter of seconds or minutes or hours, you're wrong.'

It takes a long process to truly understand how things work in the world around you and the people and how they think about life in order for me to lay on their shoulder to deeply trust them, I thought you were that person, Raymond.

I am grateful that you and I have met. I wouldn't change anything about it even if our actions towards others and each other were horrible.

At the end of this crazy adventure, I feel happier than before, I don't think that way anymore. Those days don't hurt me as they use too, because I have walked away from those childish behaviors and faced a new light in my life. I hope you are able to walk away from your past and see the new light.

I'll keep praying for you because damn sure life is one hell of a ride.

From an old friend,

Emily.