Death or Life

In My Thoughts

    There are times in life when failure seems to be a part of the "norm". No one is ready to accept it, but it happens.  One can think of it as a lesson, but what happens when there are nothing, but lessons without learning. When's the test? The pop quiz? Or is every lesson meant to be a test? A pop quiz?

    Don't let me convince you, because i'm not talking to you. I'm talking to those that can simply read this and relate. I'm talking to those that can read this and say, "I know what you mean", "I completely understand". Though I'm in my own thoughts,  I feel connected to those that relate. 

    Love.  Loss. Happiness. Anger. Confusion. Understanding.

    There's duality in everything we encounter through life.  For every positive feeling, there's negative.  It's what we choose to do that makes all the difference. For instance, you chose to read this. You chose to get this far. You're choosing to continue. 

    Well,  I choose to love in spite of negative feedback about the love of my life.  I choose to fight negative with positive; fear with bravery; dislike with love; rejection with acceptance. There's nothing more that I want than to marry my gorgeous, yet headache of a woman. Why? She gives me more than any woman had even dreamed of doing for me.

    She gives me love in spite of losing those that have "been there" her whole life. Why she's done it, I can't exactly explain.  Even though she's told me countless times,  I truly believe there's more love that she hasn't shared with me. At least not yet.  She doesn't always know it--- maybe because I don't always tell her--- but she's my rock when I feel weak.  There have been times that I have literally given up on us and she has cried and cried and cried to me.  Begging me to stay.  That doesn't make her weaker, but stronger.

    It takes a STRONG woman to admit her wrongs. Doing it over and over again takes even more strength.  Just because someone shows you that they can mess things up doesn't make them what they do, it simply means they are vulnerable to making mistakes.  Everyone--- nay, anyone can mess things up.  One person can turn beauty into darkness; hope into regret; love into loathing; bravery to fear. 

     But it takes two in order for love to happen. Love of self is key, yes. However, to love another person in such a way that you feel that certain... connection. It also takes the same two in order to feel a disconnect, yet bring it back together.  I can't fully explain why I love her the way I do. I just know that it takes a certain mind- altering decision to be truly in love.  It takes doing the same thing --- loving that person--- over and over to make sure it works.  It takes the definition of insanity to be successful in this crazy thing called love. 

"Doing the same thing expecting a different result," is the literal definition of insanity.  Are you ready to be insane for love? If love hurts, are you truly ready? Do you really want it?

But don't worry about what i'm saying. 

I'm just in my thoughts.

Choose love, not hate. Choose life, not death.  The choice is yours.