So I know I haven't wrote anything since 2017, and the stuff I written wasn't really a good thing to write about but hey; I'm 18 now, more mature and hopefully different and a better version of myself. It's 2nd January 2020 and I have come to terms with myself that I'll never be perfect but I can change. I'm on my last year of sixth form and then university in September, and since it's a new year, before I go to university I want to achieve few things this year.
1. To stop procrastinating
Procrastinating has been a major problem in my life due to my illness and just being distracted all the time. I just lose motivation to do anything even the simplest things as I find it tiring all the time. I am aware I need to do it but I'll somehow will find an excuse not to, and this is the worst part as I will need the motivation at university to get good grades and then get a job in crime scene investigation department. I'm doing double health and social care in sixth form and this course has tone loads of work to do. I'm behind in my work not only because I procrastinate but also because I've missed a whole week due to being in Tenerife for my 18th Birthday. By the end of February I want to complete at least two of my course works as I think it's an acceptable amount of work for 2 months.
2. Less time on social media
Social media has played a big role for me in 2019 since I got a bit of clout on TikTok. Since then I started engaging more on social media which is also another reason I'm always distracted. I've managed to get 27 thousand followers and 700 thousand likes in a year. However I haven't engaged as much as I used to on other platforms like Instagram and YouTube. I find it hard to be creative now especially on YouTube. I just don't have any creative video ideas that I could do that's why I don't post as often anymore. This same thing goes for Instagram, I just don't have anything to post or just can't be bothered creating anything. These days I just prefer to relax and chill just not doing anything, enjoying life. This also includes watt pad. As much as I like writing I don't think it's something I see a future with. As I end up forgetting to write like I did in 2017 and I will probably have nothing to write about, it's not like I want to release a book in the future because it's definitely something I wouldn't want to do.
3. Develop new skills/improve skills
Since January 2019 I have started developing a new skill, and that is makeup. Looking back to it now I have improved drastically and I'm so happy. I remember doing a "my everyday makeup tutorial" on YouTube in 2017 and now when I have looked at it, it's so bad I'm cringing. No wonder why people were laughing at me, like I left the house looking like that, YIKES. As much as I'm happy with my skills I'm always worried it looks bad due to my anxiety and low self esteem. For example on NYE I had to leave the house few minutes after I've done my Makeup and I could tell people staring at me and judging me. This makes me feel like it looks bad that's why I don't always to makeup that often as well but I'm happy to always try to experiment with makeup. Ive also recently have purchased to high end makeup to help me improve my skills and the results are incredible. I've got to say I'm not always good at makeup as I am other days and specific colors I work with. In 2017 I felt better working with nude and browns colors and now I find it better with bright colors like pink, blue, green etc. I can't wait to see what I can do in the future.
4. Socialize more
Last year I have started to socialize more and leaving the house more often to spend time with my friends. But sadly there was one inconvenience and my fat ass refused to socialize and cut half of my friends off, which half of it was my mistake. In the past I've done this same thing. I've lost few friends that at the time we're my best friends and now we completely don't talk, and we find each other toxic. Which I also come to the conclusion that I don't want to lose friends especially the ones I have now because they're the best thing that ever happened to me they always support me and are always there for me when there's a slight of a problem. In 2020 I don't want anymore drama because I'm not 14 anymore and I don't find it entertaining anymore; I have matured over the past few years that some people haven't. I've also developed a new style and interests which make me so happy than I never been before.
