вℓιи∂ > αℓєкѕαи∂я ѕσиg-ѕнσт

αℓєкѕαи∂я ιѕ вℓιи∂

“Her fingers are cold on my skin,
What is this hole that I’m in?”

My hand slid down my pale face, leaving a trail of warmth as it left my chin. When my vision began to clear, and my thoughts became real, I noticed something cold nestled up against my side. It was a girl, but not just any girl. It was y/n, again.

This has to be the third day in a row that I’ve woken up with her by my side- but today… it just feels wrong. Difficult even. I sat up, revealing my bare chest from under the fluffy, white covers that previously melted over my body. The chill of the morning blanketed me, causing me to get up quicker, in fact.

As I got up, she shuffled around, spinning on her side, leaving a small imprint in the mattress for a second before it disappeared. I took a pair of plaid boxers and put them on, as well as some black sweat pants that lay messily on the dresser.

I drowsily found myself in the kitchen, preparing a morning bagel with cream cheese, smothered across the beautifully tanned bread. It was only then that I turned, my eyes meeting the familiar white collared shirt that was now hugging y/n. She was rubbing her eyes, smiling that pretty smile that I thought I loved. It didn’t feel the same.

“Taking my clothes off again,
Feeling her warmth, but it ain’t warm”

Another night, another breath, another heart lay beating against mine. Her lips massaged mine, but it didn’t feel genuine, but I wasn’t going to stop it. I loved this girl around a week or two ago, what happened? I wanted to be by her side every minute, I wanted to kiss her perfectly pink lips, to smell her the addictive scent of her freshly cleaned hair- I wanted her to be mine. Now that she is, it feels fake as all Hell. She smiles, and it’s a damn good smile, but where’s the love in between her pearly white teeth?

“I’m stuck in this rut again,

Caught up in this fake love again”

It still surprises me that she can bare a minute with me and not want to leave. I can feel myself drifting further and further away from her, like I closed a door I don’t have a key for. She seemed to overlook it, like nothing was being torn down between us. Then again, maybe nothing is, and it’s all in the darkest corridors of my mind.

“You’re still dating? I thought you guys were over?” James would ask, which literally confirms my fears. It looks fake- it is fake. I know he didn’t mean any harm, which kills me even more, because James refuses to comment on my love life.

But even after all this, I still ask myself…

Is she fake, or am I fake?

“I am feeling nothing,

I am feeling nothing”

I hate the fact that I can’t seem to share the same emotions as she does. Love, affection, and satisfaction. It’s eating me away slowly, but efficiently. I’m tired of messing with my invisible heart, because I can still feel it breaking, even though it’s no where to be found. Every little crack is a dent in my shell, and it’s done with getting beat up. I’m done with it.

“What if we were blind,

To the lives we left behind”

Sometimes my thoughts like to linger on about how me and y/n would be a couple weeks ago- and if we could have avoided this entire mishap. Maybe, if we wouldn’t have picked up things too quickly, just maybe we’d have a better future. One with smiles, giggles, and all that cute little shit couples do.

“What if we could rewind like a movie,

I like the movies, yeah”

I tried doing stuff like the old times when we used to cook up a bag of popcorn and crash on my couch with some corny movie playing. y/n seemed overjoyed, but I, on the other hand, felt awkward; like I didn’t belong there. She was leaned up against my chest, and I swear it was going to cave in under pressure.

Something different happened last night- something I would never expect. She looked me straight in the eyes after the movie and told me she loved me. That I’m everything she’s ever wanted.

I put on my best fake smile, and said “I love you too.”

My shell broke, as well as my invisible artery.

“I wish that I could feel again,

That time with you was heaven sent”

My insides were crying, but my outer shell plainly looked miserable. I skipped going to the office today, and instead overlooked the world around me, staring out the window. I watched the few cars that decided to drive by drift down the leaf-filled street. Every once in a while I would watch the leaves that were pushed up by the sudden thrill of the air chase the car, as if it was a failed attempt to hitch-hike.

Then the memories came pouring down with the rain, and the tears almost tread down my cheeks as fast.

Not even a month ago, me and y/n decided to go clothing shopping together, and let’s just say there wasn’t enough dressing rooms for both of us. The manager didn’t see us slip into the same one, which was large enough for us both to stand in together, but just barely small enough for us to have to brush each other’s skin once in a while. It wasn’t awkward, even though it should’ve been- it felt good. I was in love.

That was around a week before we actually started dating, and the feelings stopped there.

“I wish that I could feel again,

I wish that I could feel again”

I was going to tell her; I was going to explain to her that I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Then I saw her eyes, the same glistening e/c orbs I have been looking at for months. Next was her smile, which I couldn’t ignore. Her soft, little giggle, and her moist hair. Dropplets of rain trickled down onto her damp shirt, but she didn’t seem to care.

Her shirt matching perfectly with her ocean blue jeans, which were also damp. She had her hood up, which I slid off of her head hesitantly. She seemed confused, but that was okay, because I wasn’t. I knew exactly what I was doing.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

I fell in love all over again.

(Song - Blind by Somo)