Who I Really Am (A Remus Lupin Love Story)

Chapter Twentyfour

Things have gotten worse for me. Even worse than they were before Lily became my friend. In the halls I am tormented, even more than before. And what they say really hurts. It's all about Remus and I, how I must've tricked him into it. But there is no 'it'. There never was. At least there never was to me. And now there will never be an 'it'.
"Remus." I say, pulling my hand out of his.
"I don't care what they say." He protests, sliding his hand back into mine.
"I do." I say, pulling away again.
"Please Bria, don't be stupid." He pleads, stopping.
We're standing in front of the Whomping Willow, just out of its reach. It always seems to be our spot for fights. "I'm not being stupid!" I tell him, taking a few steps away from him. "They're saying horrible things, Remus! Horrible things!"
"I don't care." He protests.
"You should!" I argue, "Have you been listening to what they're saying? 'He must be desperate.' 'She must've Imperiused him.' " I quote.
"We both know those things aren't true. Why does it matter?" He asks.
"It matters to me! I don't care if they say those horrible things about me! I don't want them to do the same to you!"
"Why should you let what they say come between us?" Remus asks, taking a few steps toward me.
"Because," I whisper, turning away from him, "There is no 'us' Remus. There never was an 'us'. And there will never be an 'us'." It kills me to say it. Right now I want to sit down on the grass and sob, telling him I never meant it. It was all a lie. But I don't.
"Bria." He whispers, and I can hear the hurt in his voice. I don't dare turn around. I don't want to see his expression.
"It's true, Remus. I'm sorry." I whisper, and then I bolt.
I run as fast as I can toward the castle, trying to hold the tears in. But one does fall occasionally, I can't help it. I look back right before I enter the castle, and I see Remus standing in the same spot, looking devastated. I've hurt him, I'm horrible. I think, I need to turn around and tell him I lied. It wasn't true...But again, I don't. I'm doing this for his sake. I don't want him to get hurt anymore.
But what if I hurt him more than anyone else has? I wonder. Then I'm screwed. I decide, and I push those thoughts away. I focus on running to the Room of Requirement, and nothing else. I round the last corner to get there, and I run right into someone. We both fall, and I open my mouth to apologize. "I'm so-" Lily and I say at the same time.
"Lily!" I cry, throwing my arms around her neck.
"Bria? What's wrong?" She asks, confused.
"Hold on a second." I tell her, "Follow me."
I lead her to the Room of Requirement, and then I pace in front of it. "What are you doing?" She asks me, concerned for my sanity.
"Just a second." I reply, pacing. I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home...
The door appears, and Lily gasps. "Wha-"
I cut her off, and I pull her inside. I drag her over to the couch, and then I start to explain. "We're in the Room of Requirement. I asked it to look like my old house. But that's not important right now." I say.
"What happened?" Lily asks me.
And then I explain all about what I told Remus. I told her how I feel, and I also told her that I lied to him. That I feel horrible for hurting him.
"Oh Bria..." Lily says, shaking her head at me.