Feel My Heart (boyxboy)

.Chapter 1.

He sits on his bed, humming along to the tune he was playing on his bass guitar. He started learning when he was ten, and perfected it by the time he turned twelve.

He plucks a few chords from Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, and sings along. His voice is a beautiful thing, and his love for the guitar makes it better. He was a beautiful creature. Longish dark brown hair that shows his features, bright blue eyes that change to gray when he's sad, and green when he's angry. Soft and small lips, that he uses to sing, and a small button nose. Like I said-- was.

He had dyed his hair a blue-black, which ended up more blue than it was supposed to be. He also had piercings. Seven on his face in total, and eight on each of his ears. Also one inside his mouth. Adding up to twenty-four piercings.

A dermal on his cheek bone, septum, bridge piercing, eyebrow and three lip piercings on his bottom lip, left, right and middle, and a tongue piercing. He has stretchers, and seven studs running down each of his ears. He ruined himself, to say the least. But he was still beautiful.

Despite the piercings, he also has tattoos. Not too many, but he has them. For example, an anchor on his ankle, to show that he's weighed down by many things, and can't get back up, a picture of a scarecrow on one wrist, to show his birthday. Halloween. And the Southern Cross behind his right ear, to show he's from Australia. Those were only three of his tattoos.

He's only nineteen.

I look at him again. Taking in his beauty. What once was natural, is gone. I have told him many times that he will regret them, but he reassures me he won't. He got the tattoos for a reason and he could take out the piercings, leaving a small scar, which he wouldn't mind.

He strums his guitar again, pen between his teeth. I'm not sure how long ago, but he started writing chords for his own songs. He strums the chords then stops, takes the pen out of his mouth, and writes the exact chords in the music book in front of him. I smile as I look at how happy he looks with his music.

Christian Bailey Sanders. God, he's beautiful.

I see something twitch in the corner of his room and look over, seeing my older brother by two years, Ross, look at him, smiling, with nothing but love in his eyes. Seems fair, since they're dating. I quickly remembered. I was supposed to be calling him upstairs for dinner, but I got a bit carried away. His bedroom is in the basement, so I hide around the corner, near the stairs, staring at him. He hasn't noticed me yet and I'm scared that he will get pissed when he sees me.

I sigh quietly and knock on the wall. My brother and him look up instantly, staring at me. He raises an eyebrow, "yes?" He questions, in his thick Australian accent.

"Uh, your mom wanted me to come and get you for dinner," he nods at me and gets up. I hurry up the stairs and shut the door behind me, running into the dining room.

A few minutes later, they walk into the room, with linked hands, talking and laughing about something. I was jealous. Jealous that my brother has him. He takes Christian for granted. I know his dirty little secret. I know that he's cheating on him. Christian doesn't see that, and it makes me upset.

I sigh and look down at my plate, not feeling hungry. I move the food around on my plate, only bothering to pick at the mashed potato.

"Sam, are you okay?" mom asks in concern, "you look sick".

"I'm fine," I say quietly, "I'm just not too hungry".

Mom shoots me a concerned look then turns back to Christian's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, engaging them in conversation. I look at the happy people and shut my eyes. I miss my dad. I wish I could have a happy family again. My stomach starts to churn as I remember the night dad killed himself. I take deep breaths and slam my hands on the table, standing up.

"I need fresh air," I state. I look down at the floor and walk to the back door, sliding it open.

I'm sick of this. Yes, I miss him, but I need to move on. It may take ages, but I just can't wait until I could stop thinking about him. I walk over to the pool, taking my shoes off and dipping my feet in the water. I sit down on the edge of the deep end of the pool, with my legs in the water, thinking. Just thinking.

I stop when my mind wanders to my dad again. I grip my head in my hands and cry. I'm angry with myself. I'm angry that I can't get over him. I know I'm supposed to miss him, but dammit, it hurts.

I hear the back door open, but I just ignore it. Footsteps sound from behind me and I hear someone open the gate to the pool. I ignore them and wipe my eyes, not wanting them to see me cry. They sit down next to me and dip their feet in the water, too. I see the anchor tattoo and I know it's Christian. I'm not surprised. He gets worried about people easily and wants to help.

"Are you okay?" He asks after a few minutes of silence. I let the question linger in the air for a few seconds. Am I okay? I find my answer.

"No," I state flatly, "I'm not o-fucking-kay," I quietly laugh at myself. Quoting my favorite bands lyrics was something I did quite often. It seemed as though Christian recognised the lyrics as a wave of recognition washed over him.

"Did you just?" He asks laughing slightly.

"Yup," I sigh, "but it's true".

He slings an arm over my shoulders, "do you want to talk about it?" He asks with a concerned look. He furrows his brows.

"Maybe some other time. I don't really feel like talking about it right now," I say quietly.

"Okay," he says in somewhat understanding.

"Christian?" I say looking up at him. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I sigh, "do you love my brother?".

He bites his lip and looks up into the sky, "you know what?".

"What?" I ask.

"I do," he says. I look down. I knew I shouldn't of asked. But he surprises me with the next words he says, "I want to marry him. I know we're young, but it feels right".

I laugh at the irony of that. Of course he wanted to marry him. And of course Ross was cheating on him. Ross isn't the sort of person to have relationships. He's the sort of person that sleeps around, not giving a damn about anyone's feelings. Crushing them. Doing it over and over again.

"Sam? Would you let me marry him?" He asks, I stare at him and my jaw drops.

"No," I say flatly.

He furrows his eyebrows, "why not?" He clenches his fists tightly.

"Christian, he's been cheating on you for three months".

"No he hasn't!" He starts yelling. He stands up, "he fucking loves me! Okay?"

"No he doesn't! He's not the type to have relationships! He sleeps around! You're just too fucking blinded by love to see that! You're dumb for not seeing that, because I'm sure everyone sees it!" I yell at him, standing up, too.

He laughs at me, "you're trying to break us up cause you're jealous," he laughs again, "you're jealous cause he's with me and you're not!".

"Shut the fuck up Christian! I'm telling the fucking truth! You're just too stupid to see that!".

And the next thing I know, I feel his hands on my chest and myself falling back into the pool.

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Hey! So this is my new story! It's really crappy so far but oh well, I hope you like it.
- Ang xx