Bambi eyes

{1} When was australia first colinised? '2010'

This is not a love story
There is no happily ever after.
There are no romantic declarations of love.
This is real life, my life.
This is my story I have written through my darkest and brightest moments. This is how I live.

What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.
But wasn't I already?
I am a bad person. I am rude, condescending, bitter and sarcastic. I do bad things, ones that I wish I had never even agreed to. My parents can't even look me in the eye. I smoke do drugs and skip class I was every authority figures worse nightmare, I was even on a first name basis with the local sheriff Frank.
I don't want to be like this but I can't help it.
But to know why I'm like this you must understand I wasn't always like this, when my parents could still tolerate my existence I use to be so happy, I was a straight A student with so many goals I had heaps of friends and was student class president. But the best thing was that he was there. Smiling in the background, encouraging me to succeed.
He graduated a year ago and six months later he was gone. He was my best friend.
I will never forget that night.
"why don't you come to the party?" he nagged brushing my homework book to the ground. I frowned and went to pick it up.
"because Cole I need to study because unlike you I can't rely on a football scholarship." He smirked at my quick wit.
"That is true I've seen you throw a football and it's not pretty" he chuckles.
"how about I throw this book at your head?" I grin picking up my giant maths book.
"Woah now! No need for any rash decisions" he backs away with his hands up. "You need to get out Lena; you have been couped up in here to long! Come on! It's just one night" he smiles wickedly at me. He does his best 'pwease' face and I can't resist.
"Fine." I mutter under my breath.
"what was that I couldn't hear you dear" he teased coming closer with his hand cupping his ear.
"I said fine you ass hat! Now let me get ready!" I laugh.
"I will get the car then." He winked at me and left the room.
I chose my black jeans, a white ruffled open back top and my cute Jeffery Campbell platform black boots. Adding a little read lip stick to bring out my natural olive skin.
Running down the stairs I yell to my mother "be back later" she smiles and waves me off.
Cole grabs me by the arm and drags me out of the house. "Please hurry up!" he tugged again.

The party was crazy, teens were everywhere dry humping everything in their sights. I got offered lots of drinks but refused them all. I needed to study tomorrow and plus I wasn't even at legal drinking age. I stayed in a corner and bopped my head along to the music. I noticed a lot of my friends there but they went straight to Cole as usual.
It was 2 am when I dragged out Cole. He was hustling at the pool table as usual.
After arguing for fifteen minutes I got him in the car. Cole sat beside me with the biggest grin on his face "you know I love you" he gurgles. I loved the boy to death but he was one for the sloppy lovey dovey crap.

Its was foggy that night you see. We were so young. Just singing along to the radio and mucking about. I was driving. I remember belting the chorus at the top of my lungs looking to Cole who was singing just as loud. I remember being so happy so full of life. I remember the head lights coming from the left. i Remember the inevitable screams. I remember getting pulled out of the upside down car I remember screaming looking for Cole. I remember kneeling down next to the passanger door in tears. I remember screaming looking at Coles lifeless body dangling from his seat. I remember the door and glass that impaled him. And oh how I remember standing out the front of the house, telling them that their son was never coming home. Telling my parents there son was dead and it was all my fault. I killed my brother.

"In junior high, there was a kid on my bus who would always run home as soon as the bus dropped him off. We would laugh at him every day. We didn't know that he ran because he wanted to make sure his sister hadn't killed herself while he was at school. One day, he missed school. A week later he was back. He stopped running." That boy was Cole. I had lost my eldest sister and now I had lost him too. Lolita had killed herself when she was 18, Cole was 11 and I was 9. She was our parent's favourite. He was the one to find her curled up on the bathroom floor in her underwear with pill bottles surrounding her. I remember coming home and seeing Cole with his hands in her mouth trying to make her bring them back up. I just cried. All I could do was cradle myself and hope I was dreaming. Cole screamed a lot at night calling out her name. We moved away after we buried her to where we are now. And now that I killed my parent's baby boy they would leave me. I knew it but I didn't blame them. I was the last child alive, if you could even call me alive.
I was scarred from Lolita I would cry all the time even at 17 years of age. And now Cole is gone. And all I see is there lifeless faces flashing in my mind. That petrified look on Cole and the remorseful look on Lolita.