Fairy Tails

Act 1 – Scene 1

Three women dressed in medieval attire sit attending to their needlepoint as the gloom of twilight approaches. They are OLD, SHY and FOREIGN.
FOREIGN speaks with a thick accent, but is intelligible to all except OLD.
OLD talks to a small mirror she holds in her hand.

OLD: I know. (...)
I know. (...)
Tell me about it! (...)
I know. (...)
That's just what I said! (...)
Mhm. (...)
Uhuh. (...)
Yes. (...)
Well, what on earth did she think she was buying? (...)
Yes, quite. (...)
She never did! Five hundred! (...)
Well, you know I'm not prejudice dear, but I just can't stand them. It's not even the pointy ears, it's the fact that you know they give a better deal to their own and (...)
Exactly! You know as soon as you walk away they're rubbing their greasy little hands.

A small bell rings

OLD: Sorry dear, the dust is almost up. Send me a picture of it? (...)
Yes? (...)
Of course I will. (...) (glances as FOREIGN and laughs).
Oh you're naughty sometimes! (...)
Yes of course dear, same to you.

(OLD closes her mirror and smiles to herself, scowling as she is reminded of her present company.)

OLD: What was it you said he was doing, dear? Trolls, wasn't it?

SHY: Um... Ogres ma'am.

OLD: Ah, yes. Ogres. Not quite trolls, but better than goblins. Horrible little buggers goblins. Get them infested in your walls and there's no shifting them.

SHY: Yes, ma'am.

OLD: Not like dragons, mind you. I remember when Payne went on his little quest (she pauses, reminiscing).
Came back with all sorts of bits of dragon and this one here (she indicates FOREIGN).

FOREIGN: I remember your Payne. He come to my father castle. He wave codpiece around like tin of sausage, then he put sword in [Fuego] and put me over shoulder.

OLD: Yes, yes dear. How nice.
(To SHY) I mean, really, she's very pretty, but not very bright. Six months she's been here and I still can't understand a word of it.

SHY: Yes ma'am.

OLD: And you're not much better for conversation. Here am I giving pearls of wisdom, and all I get back is "yes ma'am"

SHY: Yes ma'... I mean, certainly your ladyship.

OLD: Oh, I give in. If it wasn't for Glitter, I'd never have any social outlet.

SHY: Yes ma'am.

FOREIGN: If it wasn't for Glitter, all we hear would be you talk about son. I see too much of him, and he not good topic.

SHY: (Stifles a laugh)

OLD: Of course, dear. I'm sure whatever you think is thrilling.
(Taking out a small fairy from a pouch and trying not to let it escape, OLD snaps the fairy into pieces).

FAIRY: (voice only) Ouch!

OLD: (Holding a small mirror)
Mirror, mirror, in my hand, what's been going on in the land?

FOREIGN: (with contempt)
Sweet thing die so we can be ejaculated of Payne.

SHY: Uh, "educated" I think you mean

OLD: What was that dear?

SHY: Nothing ma'am.

OLD: Very well, dear. Let's see... Oh! How marvellous. There he is. Off fighting for all that is noble and right again. Just like his father! Oh, how wonderful. Did you see that he's killed the ogre that was bothering the villagers in Blim?