Looking for You

Chapter 1

The sun is shining too bright as I open my eyes and my head throbs. Ugh, the birds are chirping too loud. I try and get up from the huge bed I'm thrown across, stumbling towards my window, I imagine I would be quite an amusing sight. Finally making it to the window, I feel like the five meters were fifty and I pull the curtains shut with as much momentum as I can - resulting in me falling over - plunging the room in darkness. Or almost darkness, a little light seeps through a crack between the curtains which really frustrates me but I have no energy to change it. I try and move my heavy body back to my bed, but I can't feel anything anymore, so I decide to just stay on the floor. It was definitely my decision to stay there, it's as comfy as my bed anyways, and I can't feel anything either way.

As I lay on the ground, snippets of the night before flood my head. Too soon, I did not want to remember last night; that was the point of last night. I try and concentrate on the details of my room. Cold stone walls covered in tapestries depicting dancing and feasts and only happy scenes. It hasn't changed since I was a child, but I know now that that isn't the only thing in the real world. Odd but tasteful furniture that don't really match together are spread across the room. I despise all of it.

Ever since I was a child I was smothered; it was like being born on a wagon on a downhill that I couldn't get off or direct. I just had to go with the flow, and smile while doing it because it was my duty. I hear myself complaining and I just want to throttle something. I know there are people who are much less fortunate than me, and I want to say being born inside a castle is a privilege but I guess I'm biased and I only see my side of the story from behind cage bars. I see the freedom of the people and I envy it, an ugly flaw but what can I say, humans aren't perfect.

The door opens suddenly, as Tami strides in taking in my body strewn on the ground.

"Well if it isn't the Princess, the majestic Lady Soarsa," she pulls out the syllables saying my name and title which she knows I hate, "You have a bed bigger than most people's room and yet you choose to lie on the ground, you will never cease to surprise me, but this ain't the first time you've been in this situation is it now? You've..." she rattles on as she walks to the window and, ignoring my protests, pulls the curtains open with much more ease than I had closing them, all the while trying to mould in some morals into me which I tune out already knowing where this will lead. Tami is a heavy woman with a kind face and plain and simple features. She has always taken care of me, my earliest memories are of her, but she always seems to say the same exact phrase to me.

"and that milady is not how a princess should behave" we say in unison. Her eyes flare and I just stay on the ground feeling very smug.

"Your room is an absolute mess!" and she's not wrong.

I take another look at my room and I see the piles of books covering my floor, my weapons are in a corner of my room and I see that I trekked in mud last night before kicking off my boots to opposite ends of the room. There's also a wedding dress with a big rip on the skirt, which had been thrown in an angry fury and now lays on floor, disregarded. I cringe at the memory. Tami heads for it straight away. She picks it up gently as if it could break in her rough hands and looks at the beautiful detail that even I can't deny. It looks faerie like, which was probably the point to try and make my family look powerful and strong. There's a battle between the lace, pearls and diamonds across the dress that looks like a dance. Tami looks down at me and I just stare right back, throwing as much disdain as I can.

"It seems your dress has a little tear," the understatement of the century, the dress has a huge rip, I should know, "I'll have it patched up in no time" she musters and with a last look of disappointment she turns on her heels and heads out, the door slamming shut behind her.

My body sags at the relief of being alone again. Not that I love solitude, I just can't seem to tolerate company. Or at least some people's company. I also don't hate Tami, she's only ever taken care of me, she's basically my mother, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood.

I crawl over to the pile of books and start sorting through the mess on the hunt for – ahA – found it! The cover reads The Forbidden Fantasies of the World, and I start flipping through it until I get to the chapters on Fae. The book is written in old characters, but I learnt the old language, perhaps the one useful thing about my extensive education. I get through the passage easily enough; it babbles on about powerful legendary creatures who had unimaginable powers, like turning into animals, controlling elements and reading minds. I flip the page and I see the remnants of where a page was ripped out. I fish out a piece of paper in my pocket and lay it across the book, matching it to where it was torn out. So last night was actually a success. But then this means that what is written on the page is true. No matter, I'll figure it out when that problem arises.

My stomach growls and I take that as a sign to get washed up and face the day. I go to my basin and freshen up my face, scrubbing away my sins until my skin is raw and yet I can still feel them weighing down on me. With a sigh I change my clothes, sliding a knife in my boot, and braid my hair. With a final look back at my mess I head out into the mess of the world.