Look At Me

Chapter Three

Trigger Warning
:: over stimulation
:: panic attack
:: yelling

monday came faster than i wouldve liked. but this was high school, no one was loud in the mornings. but i had different issues, personal ones. i felt.. overwhelmed. i dont know why, i had no reason to. but.. i wasnt on medication, so nothing was keeping me calm.

"you okay?" vix asked me, her arm rested on my forearm, and she looked at me with a worried expression.

i nodded, "its one of those day, sadly."

"do you know what triggered it?" she took my books from me, and i silently thanked her for that. when i got this way.. everything was heavy to me.

"no." i shook my head. i was tired, really fucking tired. i honestly just wanted to sleep. and since we didnt do anything in homeroom, thats exactly what i decided to do.

i flew through second, third, and fourth period a dissociated mess, the teachers i all had new of my mental illnesses, and left me alone when i was this way. aunt pearl made sure of that. and i was grateful for it. usually, when this happened id slip on my hoodie, put in my earbuds, and listen to music while i tried to work. but if i couldnt, then id simply just put my head down. i felt lucky that i went to a school that understood mental health. it helped a lot.

lunch came, and sadly i felt no better. all day i was silently praying that id feel better. but i didnt. i put in both my earbuds as i sat with my head down trying to drown out everyone. when i got this way, the girls never bothered me, and i didnt want them to.

i tapped, in sets of threes, on the table. taking a break in between each set. it was keeping me calm, settling me down. when i looked up, i squinted. the light in here was bright. i kept my hood over my head, and held my hands on top of my head. my eyes were closed, and i did my best to let the music take over, but for some season it wasnt working this time.

i stood up, and walked quickly out the door. when i yanked the earbuds from my ear, i took in a shaky breath. fuck. i shook my head, trying to listen to my breathing and my breathing only.

i punched the locker.

fuck.

"woah.. dude are you good?" a voice spoke from the corner. i looked over, theater kid.

"im fine." i held my hand, it was shaking.

"youre lying." silas stepped forward. "come on, lets get you some ice."

"i dont want to go to the nurse theyll call my aunt." i stepped back.

he sighed, "dude you need ice!"

"i dont fucking care!" i yelled. "im not going!"

silas sat there for a second, looking at me. "okay. then lets go to the gym and get some there."

it was my turn to look at him. i didnt trust him, i barely knew him. partner or not. "fine." i sighed, lead the way.

i followed him out the back glass doors that lead to the portables, and past them, was the gym. he led me back into the lockers, where they kept their own personal ice chest. he grabbed a ziplock bag from in the office desk, and started to fill it with ice.

"so what made you freak out?" he asked as he handed me the bag.

"i dont know." i shrugged, looking at my bruising hand. i was being honest, i didnt know.

he frowned slightly, looking at me. i turned my back, feeling suddenly really uncomfortable.

"wait!" he grabbed my arm.