Abyss - Book Five (Man x Man)

Chapter 28

The longer we are out, the more ridiculous I feel. 

Why did I act like that? Why did I lash out? 

The stress of the last few days had been getting to me, certainly, but perhaps I was more so upset that he was once again right and it was me who was reading too much into the solemn nature he portrayed. 

I regret my choices so I drink, only to regret drinking and pushing myself past my limit to squash the emotions that I should be back on that train. 

What if he left? What if this wasn't worth it to him anymore? 

Reverting to my spoiled roots, as I look upon my group of 'friends', excitement for a youthful act had overtaken any sense I might have had of the reality of our situation. It left me feeling chilled, and empty, and the continual reminder that, truthfully, I was upset that I didn't appear to be enough to relieve him of his depression. 

Being together should make him happy, like he was with Tomas, but instead, I lacked any insight on how to comfort him. That was more than I could stomach, a harsh reality I wasn't ready to accept.

There is a band playing a low beat that resembles a heartbeat, even with the brass and string elements, the rhythm is something I haven't quite experienced before. The darkness of the room, mixed with the swaying forms of intoxicated patrons causes my senses to spiral. 

In the darkness of the room, there are only faint lights that seem to be powered by means other than fire. Electricity is something I really haven't had much exposure to. Anuetta enlightens Fillipa and me on the advancements, things that haven't reached out to small countries yet.

We are surrounded by sweaty, sticky forms in the heat of the large space. People are dancing and grinding their bodies on one another, dressed in scandalous outfits that I notice Anuetta has decided to partake in. Her small breasts and slender form are squeezed into what looks like a corset and thigh-high stockings. One would never dress like this in public, had we come to a brothel? 

"The French aren't modest," Haryek warns me. "Thankfully, neither am I."

Loan pulls us out of the depths of the crowd towards the bar and I take the opportunity to order another drink, letting the anxiety of being surrounded by strangers melt away. It was easier to drown in a drunken stupor than to face my failures.

"Nic, we should go back to the hotel. This is gross, truly not fit for a King." 

I watched our dancing group of friends and frowned. The way his arms guarded himself, holding himself together, I wasn't too far gone to notice the fear in his gaze. Neither of us wanted to be caught off guard by the wandering hands of the crowd. 

Haryek slips out of his jacket, I flush when I notice he's wearing a similar outfit to Anu, I hadn't planned on witnessing Haryek become a woman as he dances with her. The black leather corset clinging to his body accompanied by the leather thong makes me avert my eyes toward my drink. 

The pained expression on Loan's face brings me back to the surface, fighting to maintain some level of sobriety and when I look up, I see our elf friend kissing our French ambassador. 

"You know, Verando is an ass, but he wouldn't cheat on you." Loan swallows the rest of my drink.

Couldn't I be so certain? Sex meant different things to him, and that was my fear. Not if he could help it, not if he had any other choice, but if he felt he had to I was uncertain if he would refrain. Verando saw his body as a form of currency, just as I did. We were both pawns in this game, I shudder at the thought of him laying with anyone else, of him doing any of the actions occurring here tonight.