1.Girls are like Pokemon, you need balls to catch them
2. If aliens ever invaded earth and demanded to see our leader our best chance of survival is to bring them Lady Gaga
3. Laying in bed thinking about the comeback you should have said.
4. Roses are red
Violets are red
Bushes are red
Trees are red
Grass is red
Gate is red
Omfg my gardens on fire
5. I didn't fall the floor just needed a hug
6. Some people are like slinky's, there pretty much useless but it's funny when you push them down the stairs
7. I dream of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned
8. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me and prose me and cackle 'you're next'. They stopped when I did it to them at funerals.
9. When life gives you lemonade, give it lemons. The world will be left thinking 'what?'
10. If women ruled the world there would be no war, just a bunch of jealous country's not talking to one another
11. Some people just need a high five
In the face
With my fist
12. Dear google
Could you sit next to me in class for the exam
Sincerely all students
13. Afraid to die alone?
Become a bus driver
14. Edward Cullen is not a vampire
He lives in the forest
He doesn't eat people
And he sparkles
He is obviously a fairy
15. Why I'm single
1. I can't date the Internet
2. Can't date my fav celebrate
3. Can't date myself
4. Can't date music
16. You got a dig bick
You read it wrong
17. Teacher: have you done your homework
Student: have you graded my test
Teacher: I have other student stuff to mark
Student: I have other teacher stuff to do
Owned
18. Calories: tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night
19. Zombies eat brains so your safe. It where should I hide?
20. Nerd? We prefer intellectual badass
