The 'Mistake'

Actualization

Recently my sister had mentioned a time in which we took a camping trip in our younger days that filled us with many trips of animosity. We had always done things on a whim, like cut and dye our hair just about every color within the rainbow. I remembered suddenly that we'd taken pictures during our excavation of nature, and decided to find them for old times sake. We wanted to use them for a throwback Thursday collage, as corny as it was. It was undoubtedly true that I had them in an old phone laying around the apartment, and thus began my search of scattering around the house to find them. I began to check places that I had once forgotten. The little compartment underneath our jet black living room television stand was to no avail. Neither was the little blue shoebox atop a shelf in the closet. After checking and pulling out every drawer in my chestnut colored vanity I began to lose hope. The house at this point was beginning to resemble that of one with a hoarding problem. No stone was left unturned. I had an onset panic which subsided once I recalled that my boyfriend had a drawer which he kept electronics. "I didn't even bother to check Jayvon's drawer! It might be in there." This was proven to be a fact once opened. The phone appeared to be dead once I tried to turn it on, but this was peculiar because I made sure to keep it charged incase I wanted to look for old photos in instances like this one. I initially convinced myself that maybe I forgot to charge it after looking for my high school prom pictures last weekend because my memory did begin to deteriorate. After struggling for another twenty or so minutes to find a charger, I was able to find one in the junk drawer that we assigned would be the one under the kitchen sink. The phone turned on after a while, the lock screen an old picture of me and Jayvon on our vacation in Bora Bora. I had on my pretty hot pink bikini, and my nails and toes were cocaine white. He was holding me at the waist with a generous smile. We look happy, and cute. After guessing and failing to remember the four digit passcode for yet another unbearable twenty minutes, I was able to unlock the phone and I began to look for my camping photos and could not find them in any area of my camera roll. I scrolled endlessly up and down, back and forth between pictures of my cat Mr. Muffins, nights out with my girlfriends that ended in alcohol poisoning and raunchy pictures that I had sent to my boyfriend. I finally decided that maybe the pictures were not in fact in the camera roll, but in the messages exchanged between my sister and I, because we did text each other frequently after all. Upon opening my messages to affirm my suspicion, I noticed something strange, my brow raised after my eyes greeted the messages. The usual messages, left untouched since I had upgraded my phone were different. I had noticed a new contact, which attached to it had new messages. I tried my hardest to dig into my memory to recall whether in fact I know a Jamie. I pondered on it for a few minutes, placing my hand under my chin during the process. "Who the hell...You know what just read it maybe you'll remember who it is after that."

Jamie: I miss you lol. When can I see you?
Me: You know the situation baby. I'm gonna take a road trip to see you next week though

I began down a long road of confusion. "Wait did I date Jamie Morrison? Oh my God he's the football player I remember him. The quarterback." But how could I remember what he was in his youth, but not remember that we had dated. And in addition to that, date long enough for him to miss me, and for me to travel a long distance just to see him. I did have a history of dating and dumping quickly, but I remember who I date for the most part. "This makes no sense." It then hit me that Jamie Morrison had passed away in a freak car accident after a college frat party, and the whole school mourned the loss of their 'star quarterback'. I remember finding out on social media and having people tag me in a few posts to notify me. "So my ex is dead." I whispered softly to myself in confusion. I paced back and forth around the living room. My pastel blue couch had been the centerpiece to my marathon. My legs grew quite tired, and upon sitting down I decided to try to piece together a timeline. "Well clearly we dated before he died...which was two years ago. But two years ago I met Jayvon..." I wondered maybe if Jayvon and I were just in the 'talking stage' which would explain why it would be acceptable for a then single girl like me to take a road trip which might result in a hook up. "You know what just check the dates on the messages. It's an iPhone after all." I was expecting a timeline that would date back to 2016 or even 2017. They dated back to May 3rd, 2019. "Okay so that answers my question." But with the answer to that question came a mountain of other questions that festered inside me. For starters, the current date was May 7th, 2019. I worried for a second that my eyes set out to deceive me, and checked the dates another time thinking I mistakenly saw the number 6 as the number 9. "Okay so how did I text a dead man? And how did his dead ass text me back?" I wondered intensely. I kept scrolling upwards in hopes of finding answers, only to receive more questions. I quickly placed on my glasses, so that I could make sure I was indeed reading things correctly.

Jamie: Do you want to keep it? I don't think its a good idea tbh.
Me: Whatever you want to do is fine idc

"Fuck is he talking about?" I exclaimed, using my hands for emphasis. 

Jamie: I'm too young rn. Give it a year or two plus your situation with Mel.
Me: She'll be fine she wont find out y'all live in different states remember.

"Wait bitch I'm Mel....Wait. Who is y'all?!" I jumped off the couch in a heated rage. My eyebrows scrunched together. My hands still spoke with emphasis.

Jamie: Doesn't she go thru your phone?
Me: She sure do that's why I started using this old phone I found around the house lol

"And it just so happens to be my phone you damn dickhead ! You niggas not smart at all !" I yelled angrily at my old phone. I thought briefly about murder, how to dispose of his body, and whether or not I should convince him to get a life insurance policy to cash it out after he has what I'll stage as a freak accident.
    The lights in my head may be on but for sure no one was home based on how long it took me to see the picture painted in front of me. "She'll be fine." I read aloud mockingly. The business trip he went on was actually a romantic getaway. He could fool the blind into thinking that they could see with his tactics. Before leaving for his 'business trip' he placed a few ties on our bed and demanded that I help him pick the right one to compliment his ash gray suit. He went on to talk about how he felt anxious about his 'big meeting' with people above him in the company. He was scheduled to return tomorrow, and in anger I decided that he should return to a surprise.